Please take time to check Academic Writing Task1 (1st timer)

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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enyahs10
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Dec 16, 2014 9:00 am

Please take time to check Academic Writing Task1 (1st timer)

Post by enyahs10 »

*Attached is my Academic Writing Task 1
*this was my first try so go easy on me! Just kidding :lol: i need constructive criticisms on how to improve and please also indicate the parts I did or didn't do right.
*If possible, it would also help me if someone grades my work (based on ielts bands)
Thank you very much to anyone willing to do so! :)

My answer:

The bar graph clearly illustrates the results of a survey about adult education and the reasons as to why they decided to study. Interest in subject was the main factor among 40% of the respondents, followed closely by their need to gain qualifications, at 38%. Moreover, 22% of them found education helpful for their current job and 20% even believe that it could improve their chances for a promotion. Meeting new people, changing their jobs, and enjoying learning were some of the other respondents' significant reasons to study as an adult; garnering 9%, 12%, and 20%, respectively.

The pie chart, on the other hand, shows the division of costs of each course according to the respondents. Results revealed that 40% of the weight of obligation should go to the individual, himself, while the 35% and 25% of the course costs would be shouldered by the employers and taxpayers, respectively.

*I just noticed I'm under 150 words!!! :shock: :cry: how can I lengthen my work without being redundant? :?
Attachments
Academic Writing Task 1
Academic Writing Task 1
2014-12-22 16.52.18.jpg (1.97 MiB) Viewed 299 times
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