writing Task 2(GT),please feedback me

[mahabubarasul]

Question: Home schooling belongs to the past and is unacceptable in the modern society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement. Use your knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.
Ans:
The discussion about whether or not schooling in private was a tradition in old days and its now not acceptable in current days is a very controversial one.There are amny people on both sides of the argument. But I personally think that the statement is logical and therefore,agree with it. The defination of Home schooling is a historical phenomenon. Long before the schools were present, home schooling was the sole starting point of a child’s education. As the times progressed, norms started to change. In today’s world, home schooling has become less prevalent.

There are a number of benefits of home schooling. Parents are a child’s first point of contact to the outer world. They know a child’s nature inside out. Parents can pace the learning process of a child according to the child’s individual needs. A child can get personalized, and unshared attention, and without and peer pressure, thus his learning becomes productive.

However, the benefits of formal schools outnumber the benefits of home schooling. One of the reasons is that lifestyle, in general, has become fast paced which has effected parents as well. They do not find ample time at hands to teach their children as a full time duty. Secondly, with the changing society, education is becoming more complex with a mix of multiple disciplines. At schools, teachers are experts in their own subject areas. On the other hand, home schooling is not a wholesome process since the only teacher a child has is his parents, who may, or may not be an expert in multiple subjects.

In modern day, students have to be in a competitive environment to keep up with the pace of the society. They have to get ready for a much tougher challenge in the outside world. Schools help students become a complete package with a mix of multiple skills. Schools tend to hone the desired personality traits of a student and make them a better human being.

To sumup,I like to resate my opinion that I am infavour of the statement. I believe that whatever I have mention in the above already clear a lot and therefore,requires no more discussion on it.

[masimshehzad]

Improve usage of tenses
Start Passage with a thesis statement.
Dont use words like However at start of the passage.