Can anyone access my writing TASK 2

[mahendran]

Question:
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. (IELTS-5, P.NO-76)
Answer:
Nowadays, people insist their children to compete with other children. Because people believe that, Children should study well. If their children’s academic studies should not be good, they will lose their life. Parents engage their children to compete with sports event, music event, also they compete with exams and then they compare with their exam results. Parents should not skeptical thoughts.
In addition to that, parents enroll their children in studies to trigger good marks. Also In the twenty first century, parents are also expertise in the academic studies.Even though they are expert in the academic studies, children learn from them.
In recent days, many schools are providing good education. But also they provide free food and management concentrate on children’s sports. Every quarter, management plans to conduct sports event. There are many sport events like cricket, foot ball, and tennis and basket ball. Not only schools concentrate on outdoor games, but also they concentrate on their indoor games such as chess and carom board. Painting competition is one of the favorite games in the children. Teachers conduct general speaking competition. Those who are good speakers, they will get complement.
Before few decades, our ancestors did not do the many events. As we know, they were playing heritage games such as kabadi, long jump and as well as high jump. They did not play much game in the past days.
On the other hand, children do not concentrate only on their studies. They need some relaxation.So that parents and teachers should insist to do the playing games. If teachers trigger to compete with other students, definitely they will become to participate in Olympics also. Many people may disagree with my opinion, but as of as my concerned children should ready to face with state level events like sports, musics, general speaking completion and paintings.
To sum-up, children must do the academic study as well as do some sports.So that they will overcome from study tension. If government motivates the skilled students, surely they will win the prize in school level, state level and an international level.

[durai]

Nowadays, people insist their children to compete with other children because people believe that children should study well. If their children’s academic studies are not good, they would lose their life. Parents engage their children to compete with sports events, music events, academic exams. Parents should not have skeptical thoughts. ( Unclear intro, you didn't talk about other side "co-oepartion", Follow Ryan's model to frame structure of the essay.

In addition, parents enroll their children in studies to receive good marks at academic studies.. Also In the twenty first century, parents are also expertise in the academic studies.Even though they are expert in the academic studies, children learn from them. ( no logical idea, weak grammar, sentence not carry any meaning

In recent days, many schools are providing good education. But also they provide free food and management concentrate on children’s sports. Every quarter, management plans to conduct sports event. There are many sport events like cricket, foot ball, and tennis and basket ball. Not only schools concentrate on outdoor games, but also they concentrate on their indoor games such as chess and carom board. Painting competition is one of the favorite games in the children. Teachers conduct general speaking competition. Those who are good speakers, they will get complement. this whole passage is off topic )

Before a few decades, our ancestors did not doing many events. As we know, they were playing heritage games such as kabadi "kabadi? if this is not an English name, then you should waht is meant, like" kabadi, a famous ancient wrestling sort originated in Tamil Nadu, India, long jump and as well as high jump. They did not play much game in the past days. what you trying to say?

On the other hand, children do not concentrate only on their studies. They need some relaxation.So that parents and teachers should insist to do the playing games. If teachers trigger to compete with other students, definitely they will become to participate in Olympics also. Many people may disagree with my opinion, but as of as my concerned children should ready to face with state level events like sports, musics, general speaking completion and paintings.

To sum-up, children must do the academic study as well as do some sports.So that they will overcome from study tension. If government motivates the skilled students, surely they will win the prize in school level, state level and an international level.

I think you misunderstood the whole question, its about competition and co-operation, not between studies and sports. please read many essays as possible and try to frame grammatically correct sentences, many basic grammar errors, use Ryan's model to frame essay that gives easy flow of your essay provide you make sentences without errors.

the above essay would maximum of band 5.


please see all his essay videos on you tube so that you can easy structure,

https://www.youtube.com/user/EnglishRyan

Good Luck

Durai