Advertisements are proliferating at higher rate.What effect it has on children?
Should there be a control on advertisements?
Nowadays, many big and small companies around the World try to promote their product or service through advertisements and spend substantial amount of money. Children's who spend significant amount of time in front of television or computer are directly affected by the advertisements. Now, the issue is raised if there should be any limitations on the advertisements.
To begin with, Advertisements have several effects on a child. Firstly, children's want parents to buy them many gadgets or thing they see on advertisements. For instance, My uncle's son forced my uncle to buy a play station 4, even though he already had a Xbox. so, having seen advertisements of new products which launches every week or month, children's demand will be unlimited and parents will not be able to afford it. secondly, Some of the advertisement which contains sexual themes, coarse language and violence affects a child's mentality. For example, some children try to copy the stunts in the advertisement and hurt themselves. Moreover , advertisement of cigarette and alcohol influences a child to use it. In addition, advertisements makes parents buy unnecessary things for children, many of them which will never be used, as children's choices changes constantly while they grow up.
On the other hand, limitation on advertisements means there will be less sale of the products. The new companies which are trying to enter the consumer market by launching new products will be affected severely if their advertisement is subjected to limitation. As a result, many people will lose their jobs and less tax will be collected; affecting a country's financial condition. Another point worth considering is that, advertisements targeted for matured audience these days contain parental advisory signs so that the parents would not allow their children's to see such advertisements. Furthermore, many television stations have already banned advertisements of tobacco and alcohol on their broadcast.
In conclusion, We cannot deny that advertisements have some negative effects on a child but it can be controlled by efficient adult supervision. Therefore, i believe that Advertisement regarding cigarette and tobacco should be stopped because of its harmful effects on everyone, but other than that it is very useful for everyone.
I want my writing evaluated and corrected
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Ieltscrazy
- Posts: 25
- Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2014 4:30 pm
Re: I want my writing evaluated and corrected
Ieltscrazy wrote:Advertisements are proliferating at higher rate.What effect it has on children?
Should there be a control on advertisements?
Nowadays, many big and small companies around the World try to promote their product or service through advertisements and spend substantial amount of money. Children's who spend significant amount of time in front of television or computer are directly affected by the advertisements. Now, the issue is raised if there should be any limitations on the advertisements.
To begin with, Advertisements have several effects on a child. Firstly, children's want parents to buy them many gadgets or thing they see on advertisements. For instance, My uncle's son forced my uncle to buy a play station 4, even though he already had a Xbox. so, having seen advertisements of new products which launches every week or month, children's demand will be unlimited and parents will not be able to afford it. secondly, Some of the advertisement which contains sexual themes, coarse language and violence affects a child's mentality. For example, some children try to copy the stunts in the advertisement and hurt themselves. Moreover , advertisement of cigarette and alcohol influences a child to use it. In addition, advertisements makes parents buy unnecessary things for children, many of them which will never be used, as children's choices changes constantly while they grow up.
On the other hand, limitation on advertisements means there will be less sale of the products. The new companies which are trying to enter the consumer market by launching new products will be affected severely if their advertisement is subjected to limitation. As a result, many people will lose their jobs and less tax will be collected; affecting a country's financial condition. Another point worth considering is that, advertisements targeted for matured audience these days contain parental advisory signs so that the parents would not allow their children's to see such advertisements. Furthermore, many television stations have already banned advertisements of tobacco and alcohol on their broadcast.
In conclusion, We cannot deny that advertisements have some negative effects on a child but it can be controlled by efficient adult supervision. Therefore, i believe that Advertisement regarding cigarette and tobacco should be stopped because of its harmful effects on everyone, but other than that it is very useful for everyone.
Re: I want my writing evaluated and corrected
Nowadays, many big and small companies around the world try to promote their products or services through advertisements and spend substantial amount of money to attract people, children, in particular.. Children who spend significant amount of time in front of television or computer are directly affected by the advertisements. Now, the issue is raised if there should be any limitations on the advertisements. give outline of your essay, so that the reader knows what's coming next sample: This essay is an attempt to analyse the advert's effect on children and explains why these are unessential to curb.
To begin with, advertisements have several effects on a child. Firstly, childrens' want parents to buy them many gadgets or things that they see on advertisements. For instance, my uncle's son forced my uncle to buy a play station 4, even though he already had a Xbox. So, having seen advertisements of new products which launches every week or a month, children's demand would be unlimited, and parents may not afford to it. Secondly, some of the advertisement which contains sexual themes, coarse language and violence affects a child's mentality. For example, some children try to copy the stunts in the advertisement and hurt themselves. Moreover , advertisement of cigarette and alcohol influences a child to use it. In addition, advertisements makes parents buy unnecessary things for children, many of them which would never be used, as children's choices changes constantly while they grow up.
On the other hand, limitation on advertisements means there will be less sale of the products. The new companies which are trying to enter the consumer market by launching new products will be affected severely if their advertisement is subjected to limitation. As a result, many people will lose their jobs and less tax will be collected; affecting a country's financial condition. Another point worth considering is that, advertisements targeted for matured audience these days contain parental advisory signs so that the parents would not allow their children's to see such advertisements. Furthermore, many television stations have already banned advertisements of tobacco and alcohol on their broadcast. unclear paragraph, i didn't come to a decision whether controlling ads are essential or not, make topic sentence clear enough
In conclusion, we cannot deny that advertisements have some negative effects on a child but it can be controlled by efficient adult supervision. Therefore, I believe that the advertisement regarding cigarette and tobacco should be stopped because of its harmful effects on everyone, but other than that it is very useful for everyone.
Repeated words:
advertisements 17 this is bit too much , you should have used pronouns or synonyms ( ads, adverts, announcement)
children's 5 ( young one's, young people, teenagers,
many 5
parents 4
capital letters are not used appropriately which shows signs of band 5 candidate
" this would score poor mark for lexis"
TR : unclear task response, though answering the question is visible but sentences clarity is missing
CC: overuse of transition words or cohesive devices, impede communication
GR & A: some poor word choices and spelling particularly capital letters are not used.
overall, looks band 5 to 5.5. ( I am not an assessor)
To begin with, advertisements have several effects on a child. Firstly, childrens' want parents to buy them many gadgets or things that they see on advertisements. For instance, my uncle's son forced my uncle to buy a play station 4, even though he already had a Xbox. So, having seen advertisements of new products which launches every week or a month, children's demand would be unlimited, and parents may not afford to it. Secondly, some of the advertisement which contains sexual themes, coarse language and violence affects a child's mentality. For example, some children try to copy the stunts in the advertisement and hurt themselves. Moreover , advertisement of cigarette and alcohol influences a child to use it. In addition, advertisements makes parents buy unnecessary things for children, many of them which would never be used, as children's choices changes constantly while they grow up.
On the other hand, limitation on advertisements means there will be less sale of the products. The new companies which are trying to enter the consumer market by launching new products will be affected severely if their advertisement is subjected to limitation. As a result, many people will lose their jobs and less tax will be collected; affecting a country's financial condition. Another point worth considering is that, advertisements targeted for matured audience these days contain parental advisory signs so that the parents would not allow their children's to see such advertisements. Furthermore, many television stations have already banned advertisements of tobacco and alcohol on their broadcast. unclear paragraph, i didn't come to a decision whether controlling ads are essential or not, make topic sentence clear enough
In conclusion, we cannot deny that advertisements have some negative effects on a child but it can be controlled by efficient adult supervision. Therefore, I believe that the advertisement regarding cigarette and tobacco should be stopped because of its harmful effects on everyone, but other than that it is very useful for everyone.
Repeated words:
advertisements 17 this is bit too much , you should have used pronouns or synonyms ( ads, adverts, announcement)
children's 5 ( young one's, young people, teenagers,
many 5
parents 4
capital letters are not used appropriately which shows signs of band 5 candidate
" this would score poor mark for lexis"
TR : unclear task response, though answering the question is visible but sentences clarity is missing
CC: overuse of transition words or cohesive devices, impede communication
GR & A: some poor word choices and spelling particularly capital letters are not used.
overall, looks band 5 to 5.5. ( I am not an assessor)
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
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Ieltscrazy
- Posts: 25
- Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2014 4:30 pm
Re: I want my writing evaluated and corrected
Thanks a lot
I will work on my mistakes.Durai