letter anyone?

[durai]

As an international student in Sweden, you have an account with a local bank. The monthly bank transfer you receive from your parents has been delayed this month due to an error at your parents’ bank.
Write a letter to your bank.
In your letter: introduce yourself and ask for a loan,
say why you need the money and
tell how you intend to pay back the money.

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Dear Sir or Madam,

My name is Micheal Feramez, and I have a streamline account with your Swiss Bank, Bundoora branch. My account number is 766756662, and I am writing to request a personal loan to cover my expenses for a short term.

Since money transfer from my father’s bank has been stopped as a security measure, I have been with little money on my account. As you know, as a international student I need to pay for expenses such as rental payment, gas and water bills, phone charges and electricity bills every month. Unfortunately, all of them due on next week 21st April, therefore, a small loan of 2000 Swiss dollars is essential to pay out these obligations.

Sooner or later, my account would be credited with money from my parent’s bank in India. With such money, I am able to clear all my debits on my account. If this is not happened for some reasons, then I can pay back monthly with my earnings as a part time worker.

I am looking forward for your favorable reply.

Yours faithfully,

Michael Feramez.

[gjartist82]

As an international student in Sweden, you have an account with a local bank. The monthly bank transfer you receive from your parents has been delayed this month due to an error at your parents’ bank.
Write a letter to your bank.
In your letter: introduce yourself and ask for a loan,
say why you need the money and
tell how you intend to pay back the money.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Sir or Madam,

My name is Michael Feramez, and I have a streamline account with your Swiss Bank, Bundoora branch. My account number is 766756662, and I am writing to request a personal loan to cover my expenses for a short term.

Since the money transfer from my father’s bank has been stopped as a security measure, I have been with low funds on my account. (< For how long?) As you know, as an international student I need to pay for expenses such as rent, gas and water bills, phone charges and electricity bills every month. Unfortunately, all of these are due next week on 21st April. Therefore, a small loan of 2000 Swiss dollars is essential to pay out these obligations.

Sooner or later, (< Can you give a more precise estimate? e.g. within 2 weeks) my account would be credited with money from my parent’s bank in India. With such money, I am able to clear all my debits on my account. If this has not happened for some reason, then I can pay back monthly with my earnings as a part time worker.

I am looking forward to your favorable reply.

Yours faithfully,

Michael Feramez.

[allen_zhang]

Dear Sir or Madam,

My name is James Bond and I am an international student of Sweden University. I am writing to apply a short term loan from your bank.

I have an account with your bank which has been used for more than two years since I started my study in this city. My parents had been transferring money to this account from their Hongkong bank account every month over the past two years. However, last month, the transfer was delayed because my parents' bank was upgrading their IT system and I have not got my money till now.

This month, I will need to pay my tuition fee of the coming semester. I am quite worried about it, so I am wondering whether I could apply a 3000 dollar loan from your bank. I will pay it back as soon as I get the money from my parents, which I believe will be very soon.

I look forward to receiving your response.

Yours sincerely,
James Bond

[durai]

Dear Sir or Madam,

My name is James Bond, and I am an international student of Sweden University. I am writing to apply a short term loan from your bank. ( I feel something grammatical wrong with the last sentence)

I have an account with your bank which has been used for more than two years since I started my study in this city. My parents had been transferring money to this account from their Hongkong bank account every month over the past two years. ( those 2 sentences are unwanted information for this task, its already given, try to be short as much as you can, because you almost used 50 words, just to explain that you are a regular customer to this bank) However, last month, the transfer was delayed because my parents' bank was upgrading their IT system and I have not got my money till now.

This month, I will need to pay my tuition fee of the coming semester. ( the main part of the task is why you need money, and you just explained in one sentence, this definitely affect task response score, i would suggest to include the last sentence of previous paragraph into this one , and separate three different tasks, so that you get marks for good coherence) I am quite worried about it, so I am wondering whether I could apply a 3000 dollar loan from your bank. I will pay it back as soon as I get the money from my parents, which I believe will be very soon.( give certain time, "will be 3 weeks"

I look forward to receiving your response.

Yours sincerely, ( use faithfully, if you have used "Dear Sir or Madam,", if you used name, like Mr. ABC , then use " sincerely"
James Bond