Please asses my Task 2 discussion essay :)

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MineralWater
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Apr 23, 2017 10:11 am

Please asses my Task 2 discussion essay :)

Post by MineralWater »

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
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Many people spend their whole working life in the same company while others believe that moving from one organisation to another is better. In this essay the arguments for both views will be discussed in this order.

It is known that in most cases, when people contribute in one company for significant amount of time, a higher position and salary is guaranteed for them. In country like Japan where loyalty to an organisation is vital, one may not be able to excel unless one stick to one company. Therefore, staying in one company for a lifetime will show the quality of loyalty which is necessary when people are seeking for money and title. After careful analysis of this view, it is understood that some people gravitate toward this idea.

On the other hand, having a good position and high salary does not always mean that it will satisfy one's need, as people have different preferences. For example, when I had a part time job in a cafe, the wages was considered high and the customers respected me, however I quitted the job after the employer changed the system of the management which I personally did not agree with. As different people have different views on certain companies, it is understandable why people decide to work in different companies from time to time.

For reasons related to salary, title and preferences it is arguable whether one should stay in one company or move to different ones. However, after studying both point of views, it is clear that changing from one company to another is the way to live, as staying in one company will result in monotonity which does not match our variable interests.

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Please asses my discussion essay, any correction, critics and suggestions is really appreciated. :)
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
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Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am

Re: Please asses my Task 2 discussion essay :)

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

A lot of this essay doesn't make sense. The first paragraph is completely contradicted by the conclusion, so which is true or correct? The second main paragraph doesn't really answer the question.

The ranges of grammar and vocabulary are the main problems. Ideas are expressed very simply, with out the correct use of modals and adverbs.

All the best,
David
MineralWater
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Apr 23, 2017 10:11 am

Re: Please asses my Task 2 discussion essay :)

Post by MineralWater »

Will definitely work hard on my grammar variations and the use of adverbs. Thank you so much for your feedback! :)
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