Need Band Score for this essay and areas of improvement

[vipin]

Would appreciate if you could provide a band score to the essay below and also point out what can be improved in terms of

1. Task Achievement
2. Lexical resource
3. Cohesion and Coherence
4. Grammar

Doctors advise against fast food, still people eat it? Why do people eat fast food? what can be done to solve the problem?

It is a well-known fact that some foods we eat can affect our health, and even increase the risk for certain diseases. Health practitioners have advised against the consumption of fast-food for long, yet it is a staple diet for some. Analyzed below are some of the main reasons why people still eat junk food and also suggested are a few measures to overcome this problem.

Looking first at the main reasons for the consumption of fast-food, it can be attributed to two main factors, cost and Ignorance on part of the consumer. For example, a burger at McDonald’s costs only a dollar whereas a healthy meal at a café costs thrice as much. Moreover, most people are not even aware of the nutritional value of these foods and don’t even make an effort to check for it. They consume foods high on calories and fats without realizing the long term implications of consuming such foods.

There is a serious need to raise the level of awareness of the consumers on the ill effects of fast foods. This can be done by making it mandatory to mention the nutritional value of all the food items sold today and also placing a statutory warning on the packaging’s of junk foods. The government should also levy additional taxes on joints serving fast food and provide tax breaks to cafes serving nutritious and healthy food.

In conclusion, it is important for all to curb the consumption of fast-foods, and develop healthy eating habits. Therefore, it is recommended to pay heed to the advice of the doctors against consuming junk foods and make intelligent choices when dining in a restaurant.

[Flick]

Would appreciate if you could provide a band score to the essay below and also point out what can be improved in terms of

1. Task Achievement
2. Lexical resource
3. Cohesion and Coherence
4. Grammar

Doctors advise against fast food, but still people eat it. Why do people eat fast food? What can be done to solve the problem?

It is a well-known fact that some foods we eat can negatively affect our health, and even increase the risk for certain diseases. Health practitioners have advised against the consumption of fast-food for a long time, yet it is a staple diet for some. Analyzed below are some of the main reasons why people still eat junk food and also suggested are a few measures to overcome this problem.

Looking first at the main reasons for the consumption of fast-food; it can be attributed to two main factors: cost and ignorance on the part of the consumer. For example, a burger at McDonald’s costs only a dollar whereas a healthy meal at a café costs thrice as much. Moreover, most people are not even aware of the nutritional value of these foods and don’t even make an effort to check for it. They consume foods high in calories and fats without realizing the long term implications of consuming such foods.

There is a serious need to raise the level of awareness of consumers on the ill effects of fast foods. This can be done by making it mandatory to mention the nutritional value of all the food items sold today and also placing a statutory warning on junk food packaging. The government should also levy additional taxes on businesses serving fast food and provide tax breaks to cafes serving nutritious and healthy food.

In conclusion, it is important for everyone to curb the consumption of fast-foods, and develop healthy eating habits. Therefore, it is recommended that we should heed the advice of doctors warning against excess consumption of junk food, and make intelligent choices when dining at restaurants.

Hi vipin,

You make some good points in your essay. You address the question well by giving reasons for eating fast food and possible solutions.
I like that you include a real example about the cost of McDonald's burgers - this makes it easy to relate to your essay.
As you can see, I only suggest a few changes - you write very well. I would rate this essay around band 8. Well done!

Flick

[IndianHarry]

Very well written brother. I am particularly impressed with the appropriateness of the words you have chosen. Its been concise and to the point.