Task 2 Evaluation

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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a.lotfipoor
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Location: Tehran, Iran

Task 2 Evaluation

Post by a.lotfipoor »

Hi,
I would be very grateful if you could evaluate my task 2 writing. It's 263 words.
the question is from test 2 of Cambridge IELTS 10.
Here it is:
Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others
believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future,
such as those related to science and technology.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, higher education is being persuaded more and more by students. And what these students should study is the subject of numerous debates. While some people argue that they must be allowed to study whatever they want, others put forward the opinion that their study should be limited to science and technology related subjects.
Firstly, it is argued that adolescents should persuade careers and majors that are useful in the future, such as engineering or medicine. For instance, it is believed that if majors like pharmacology are persuaded by more students and significant funding is allocated to these studies, global issues such as poverty and dangerous diseases would be eradicated. While it is evident that there are some merits to this idea, it is not without drawbacks.
Secondly, no sensible person can deny that passion toward one’s field of study is the main motivator for continuing education to a higher degree. A case in point is my brother who following his passion for cinema start studding it in university. However, because of my father’s persuasion he left the university to study accounting, which he never finished, as he did not have any interest in it. This example clearly shows that for one to be successful in any field of study, whether it is practical or not, passion is the key element.
Thus, in my opinion, whereas having students to study practical subjects can have positive consequences, but forcing young adults to study a subject that they are not passionate about is wrong and would not have any substantial impact on solving global issues.
David.IELTS.Examiner
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Re: Task 2 Evaluation

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

persuaded? Do you mean 'pursued'?

You tend to express the points in a simplistic, even 'extreme' way (poverty and dangerous diseases would be eradicated) but your basic points are good. The points are also developed, although a less personal example would be better.

So, basically you need to work on the grammar (and vocabulary to a lesser extent). Use modals and adverbs. you actually do this in the conclusion (substantial impact) where it works very well.

Overall, reasonably good, but not great. However, easily improved!

All the best,
David
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a.lotfipoor
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Joined: Wed May 03, 2017 1:37 pm
Location: Tehran, Iran

Re: Task 2 Evaluation

Post by a.lotfipoor »

Hello

ops! You're right, I meant pursued.
Thanks for your great advise. I try to put your advise to action in my next essays.

ps: I was actually worried about my lexical resource, but apparently it was okay.

Regards,
Ashkan
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