writing task 2(could you please assess my essay and advice me)

[dhanyapeter]

popular events like football world cup and other international games are essential in easing international tension and releasing patriotic emotions?
It has been noticed that world cup and other world-wide sporting events can enable in reducing international problems and expressing patriotic unity. I am of the conviction that international games would promote international relations more stronger.
Admittedly, sporting occasions inculcate a sense of patriotic and political unity among different nations.Moreover, it helps people to live under one roof rather than discriminating others on the basis of their culture, religion and their national identity.For example, cricket matches between India and Pakistan are perfect examples how countries have been organizing and uniting to conduct matches between them,as they have been considered as rivals since ages. Therefore, I imply that it is certainly the need of the nations to arrange international sporting competitions to strengthen their relationship with other countries.
Again, sporting contests at international levels definitely help individuals to explore different cultures and tolerate diverse patriotic feelings. It could help us to acknowledge that people are identical in the way they enjoy such occasions, even though, they are different in the way they react in different situations. Additionally, I strongly agree that it is not only a place to enjoy matches, but it would also help us to dig deeper into human lives. For instance, during the big matches between north and south koreans' one could understand that they exhibit their emotions similarly to any sport lover though they are secretive in their political ideologies. Hence it is necessary to have some sporting contests to ease our international relations.
In conclusion, I am of the obsession that sporting events can do wonders in reinforcing international relations after taking an objective analysis on the aforementioned notions.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

I'm not sure about these examples. There is often violence at India-Pakistan matches (you do claim it is a perfect example!) and recent events re North Korea do not seem to suggest any detente between the 2 countries.

There are some very strange vocabulary choices - patriotic unity, imply, obsession.

Grammar is limited in range and there are a lot of errors.

Overall, mediocre at best.

All the best,
David

[dhanyapeter]

thank you, sir, for assessing my essay I am trying to write good examples. thank you for mentioning the vocabularies which is not suited for this essay