Please assess my writing task 2

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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firefox2020
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Joined: Mon Apr 10, 2017 12:54 pm

Please assess my writing task 2

Post by firefox2020 »

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that is happening.
Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
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In recent years, employing surveillance technologies has become prevalent to monitor people’s behavior. While I accept that observing people can be detrimental in some specific cases, I do believe that benefits are numerous.

On the one hand, there are several advantages to surveilling. Firstly, it often has a deterrent effect. If people were aware that they are being watched using a surveillance system, they would think twice before committing any crime. Thanks to the developments in the area of facial recognition systems, police are now able to use data which are recorded using security systems to identify and prosecute criminals once they commit a crime. In addition to this, tracking systems can also be employed in order to detect offenders who do organized crimes. For example, US army has used such systems successfully in Iraq and Afghanistan to identify accurate locations where Al-Qaeda terrorist group members were concealed.

On the other hand, it is argued by some that employing security systems to monitor what people do and say can be considered as invasion of privacy. For instance, there is some information which reveals that spy tools have been used by US government to eavesdrop on cell phone conversations. I believe that using technology to spy on ordinary citizens cannot be justified under any circumstances and people should put pressure on their governments to make them respect their privacy. If people were indifferent to the invasion of their privacy, this would lead the governments to develop eavesdropping systems even more.

In conclusion, based on the given arguments, while there are some cases of violating people’s privacy using surveillance systems, it seems to me that development of these systems is generally a positive trend as the benefits are undeniable.
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ted_ielts
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Re: Please assess my writing task 2

Post by ted_ielts »

This has a really good structure. The introduction is great, and each paragraph is well-developed.
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