Please evaluate my writing task 2

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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firefox2020
Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Apr 10, 2017 12:54 pm

Please evaluate my writing task 2

Post by firefox2020 »

In the past, when students did a university degree they tended to study in their own country.
Nowadays, they have more opportunities to study abroad.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?
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It is no doubt true that nowadays many students are inclined towards studying abroad. Studying overseas would certainly help to promoting students' knowledge but there will also be some drawbacks.

The advantages of studying in a foreign country are numerous. Firstly, it allows students to study in the world’s most prestigious universities which might not be possible if they intended to study in their own countries.Take Iran as an example. The most renowned academic institutions of Iran are ranked over two hundred among all universities globally. As a consequence, many talented students decide to continue their education in top universities of developed countries which are often among the best in their related subjects. Secondly, by studying in such institutions, students will be able to transfer their knowledge to their own countries and aid to promote the level of knowledge in their specialized majors. Finally, living in a foreign country for a short period of time can help students to broaden their horizons. In other words, they would be able to learn a new language in a native community and this eventually could lead to better understanding of a new culture and connecting with people from different nationalities.

On the other hand, there are definitely some disadvantages to this development. A major drawbacks is that studying abroad can put substantial strains on families. That is to say in most cases students are financially dependent on their families and they don’t have any other source to meet their expenditures. However, if students study in their home countries, these costs will be much lesser. Another drawback is the brain drain. Unfortunately, a large proportion of students who leave their countries to study overseas won’t come back after graduation. This has become a problematic issue within many countries, particularly underdeveloped and developing ones. Brain drain could have a devastating impact on the communities because these students are often among the most elite members of their societies.

In conclusion, the tendency towards studying abroad has certainly some plus points, but not all of the outcomes of this development have been positive.
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
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Re: Please evaluate my writing task 2

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

I don't understand the fourth sentence of the first main paragraph, though I think I know what you want to say.

Overall, this is a very good essay. I'd prefer a more personal conclusion, but your opinion is clear.

The points are all valid and most are well-developed and clear.

The variety of grammatical structures is good and mistakes do not usually affect meaning.

Vocabulary is used well to create a solid argument.

Well done!
David
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