Task 2 Writing (give feedback)

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syan
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Joined: Tue May 09, 2017 1:03 am

Task 2 Writing (give feedback)

Post by syan »

Q. Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.
Discuss both views. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

ANS:-

Children are future of a nation. They should be brought up in a such a way that they turn out to be a better citizens. For this, some believe that the environment should be competitive while others think co-operative manner is more important so that youngster will become more workable.

Firstly, when children are encouraged to be competitive then it will fasten the personal growth and development but it should be within supervision as it will build up healthy competition. The creativity inside them will be triggered as they will try their level best to be on top. The feeling of competition will make them capable of accepting challenges that may come in the way to success. Even though the sense of competition is useful, this focuses mainly in self-growth. This type of nature can create selfish nature in children. For instance, if parents or coach prepare a child for a race to come first rather than preparing him for good performance whether he wins or not. In this case, that child might only think about winning the game. If he encounters a friend needing help during the race then he might ignore that and continues the race to win. This might help in winning the game but he loses the humanitarian race of life.

In other hand, if a child is taught to be co-operative then this will definitely makes him a friendly, social person as socialization is the process of mutual interaction and accomplishing the goal. A sense of collaboration will improve the ability to adjustment because most of the people will co-operate the friendly manner person this give and take environement will make the surrounding adjustable. Co-operative behaviour helps in strengthening the bond between colleagues, friends as a result a better team can be formed which will definitely be useful to an individual for career as well as character. For example: a friendly person wins the heart faster as people feel easy and comfortable with them. But along with co-operation, a child must be taught to be assertive so that none can take advantage of them.

In conclusion, competitiveness focuses self-centric nature whilst cooperativeness will broaden the area of concern. These both nature have it’s own pros and cons. I particularly think that a child with mutual work mental set will turns out to be a better and more capable citizen in future.
syan
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Joined: Tue May 09, 2017 1:03 am

Re: Task 2 Writing (give feedback)

Post by syan »

please assess my work.. my exam is near.
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ted_ielts
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Re: Task 2 Writing (give feedback)

Post by ted_ielts »

Here's my suggested changes for your introduction:
It is said that children are the future of a nation, as such they should be brought up in a such a way that they turn out to be better citizens. For this reason, some believe that they should be introduced to a more competitive environment at a young age while others think that instilling co-operative manners is more important so that youngsters will become more employable later in life.
Free IELTS advice, model essays, and much more: http://www.ted-ielts.com

Guides for IELTS teachers: http://www.ielts-teaching.com
syan
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue May 09, 2017 1:03 am

Re: Task 2 Writing (give feedback)

Post by syan »

thank you.... what about the body and conclusion.. how is essay overall??
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Flick
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Re: Task 2 Writing (give feedback)

Post by Flick »

syan wrote: Tue May 09, 2017 12:28 pm Q. Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.
Discuss both views. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

ANS:-

Children are the future of a nation. They should be brought up in a such a way that they turn out to be better citizens. For this, some believe that the environment should be competitive, while others think a co-operative environment is more important so that youngsters will become more sociable.

Firstly, when children are encouraged to be competitive then it will hasten personal growth and development, but this should be with supervision in order to build up healthy competition. Their creativity will be triggered as they will try their level best to be on top. The feeling of competition will make them capable of accepting challenges they may face on the way to success. Even though the sense of competition is useful, this focuses mainly on self-growth. This can create a selfish nature in children. For instance, if the parents or coach prepare a child to win a race rather than preparing him for a good performance whether he wins or not, that child might only think about winning the game. If he encounters a friend needing help during the race then he might ignore that and continue the race to win. This might help in winning the game, but he loses the humanitarian race of life.

On the other hand, if a child is taught to be co-operative, then this will definitely make him a friendly, social person as socialization is the process of mutual interaction and accomplishing a goal. A sense of collaboration will improve one's ability to adjustment because most people will co-operate in a friendly manner. Co-operative behaviour helps in strengthening the bond between colleagues and friends. As a result, a better team can be formed which will definitely be useful to an individual for their career as well as their character. For example, a friendly person wins the heart faster as people feel more relaxed and comfortable with them. But along with co-operation, a child must be taught to be assertive so that noone can take advantage of them.

In conclusion, competitiveness focuses on a self-centric nature whilst cooperativeness will broaden the area of concern. Both have their own pros and cons. I personally think that a child with a cooperative mindset will turn out to be a better and more capable citizen in the future.
syan
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue May 09, 2017 1:03 am

Re: Task 2 Writing (give feedback)

Post by syan »

Thank you so much
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