Task 2 - Children education

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ezequiel
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Joined: Sun Apr 09, 2017 8:09 am

Task 2 - Children education

Post by ezequiel »

Hi everyone! I would really appreciate feedback for this essay I wrote for Writing task 2. I am aiming to get a band 8 in the exam, so please point out things that would make me get a band less than that :)

Task:

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Answer:

Children education is definitely of great importance in the development of future generations, and there are different ways in which it can be performed. One of them is teaching at home, a method that offers a personalised tuition for kids. Another way is the traditional school, where students attend classes regularly and share them with peers. In my opinion, the latter is the form of education that builds more socially active and engaged individuals.

Teaching at home is certainly useful to identify areas of knowledge at which a student might be proficient. Teachers can thus boost the development of those areas to get the kid to enjoy their education, and also feel consistently challenged. For instance, one of my work colleagues has noticed that his daughter shows skills and interest toward music, thanks to the work of her personal teacher. Another plus of studying at home is that taking kids to school is avoided, therefore helping parents to save considerable amounts of time.

Going to school might not have the advantage of a personalised tuition. Nonetheless, it involves children in activities that would not be possible without sharing time with others. An example of this is physical education, where kids can practice group sports as soccer and basketball. Moreover, they can represent the institution by enrolling in the school orchestra if music is a field that they like. In regard to family finances, schools have an important advantage over other education systems, as there are usually public options available.

To sum up, I personally lean towards the traditional way of attending school as a way of educating children. I think it is an essential stage in their early life, and prepares them well to be part of the modern society.
David.IELTS.Examiner
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Re: Task 2 - Children education

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

The introduction is nearly as long as the main paragraphs!

The main arguments are not very convincing. Music teachers at schools can spot talent. Kids who are taught at home can still join sports clubs.

Vocabulary is reasonable. Grammar too, but there is not much range and precision.

This far from band 8. The arguments are not clear enough or well-developed. Precise meaning is not expressed clearly.

All the best,
David
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Flick
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Re: Task 2 - Children education

Post by Flick »

ezequiel wrote: Wed Apr 12, 2017 1:31 am
Task:

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Answer:

A child's education is definitely of great importance in the development of future generations, and there are different ways in which it can be performed. One of them is teaching at home; a method that offers personalised tuition for kids. Another method is the traditional school, where students attend classes regularly with peers. In my opinion, the latter is the form of education that builds more socially active and engaged individuals.

Teaching at home is certainly useful to identify areas of knowledge in which a student might be proficient. Teachers can thus boost the development of those areas to help the child to enjoy their education and also feel consistently challenged. For instance, one of my work colleagues has noticed that his daughter shows skills and interest toward music, thanks to the work of her personal teacher. Another benefit of studying at home is that taking kids to school is avoided, therefore helping parents to save considerable amounts of time.

Going to school might not have the advantage of a personalised tuition. Nonetheless, it involves children in activities that would not be possible in a home environment. An example of this is physical education, where kids can practice group sports such as soccer and basketball. Moreover, they can represent the institution by enrolling in the school orchestra if music is a field that they like. In regard to family finances, schools have an important advantage over other education systems, as there are usually affordable public options available.

To sum up, I personally lean towards the traditional way of attending school as a way of educating children. I think it is an essential stage in their early life, and prepares them well to be part of the modern society.
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