Task 2 thanks a lot for Feedback

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Aky
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Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2016 6:47 am

Task 2 thanks a lot for Feedback

Post by Aky »

Task 2:
Most countries allow 18 year olds to start driving a car. Some say that it is good to allow it at this age, while others think that the age to start to driving should be at least 25. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.
My answer:

The last fifty years have seen a dramatic increase in the driving a car in many countries. However, there are widely differing points on the issue of whether people should start driving a car at 18 or at least 25. There are valid arguments and examples to back up. This essay will discuss both sides of issue, before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.

On the one hand, supporters who are in favor of permitting people from the age of 18 point out that if they are taught in driving courses and they can pass from the final exams which are compulsory while taking a driving license. Furthermore, it might be said that every person who is aged 18 years old, is just as careful as elder drivers. For example, in many countries, in order to drive a car the government requires a driving license, from an individual person, and he or she takes a part in driving courses for a while. If they prove their ability and skill in the exams, they will be given a driving license. Thus, this makes it clear that no need to drive a car when a person turns to 25.

Conversely, it is also said that it is too early to start driving a car in terms of high level of skills which are needed while driving a car itself. Furthermore, others say that in today’s sophisticated world, driving a car is not something adults are able to do because there are too many cars on the roads and this then makes it complex to drive. In modern and developed cities, for example, even elderly people find it very difficult to manage. For instance, a watchful eye and concentration are required at the same time which are commonly known as multi-tasking. Therefore, it is clear that driving a car is very complex and people must be at least 25.

To conclude, it appears to me that the stronger argument is in favor of driving a car that simultaneous actions are needed. This is provided that any possible accidents will be avoided.

(342 words) 07.04.2017
I knew that the words should be between 250 and 300 but I was so interested in this topic and this leaded me to write more. Anyway Thank you very much For your feedback !!!
I really appreciate your help
Thanks a million
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
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Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am

Re: Task 2 thanks a lot for Feedback

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

The second main paragraph and the conclusion need to be rewritten. You need to explain, for example, what skills you are talking about, what 'simultaneous actions' you mean, and why the number of cars on the road is significant.

Vocabulary and grammatical structures are not used to create a convincing argument. The range of both is also lacking.

All the best,
David
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