Feedback required on writing task 2 - essay

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shehmed
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Mar 26, 2017 2:38 pm

Feedback required on writing task 2 - essay

Post by shehmed »

Task 2 topic: Young people spend their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on young people and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed by some that the young pass their leisure time in shopping centers and this produces adverse effects on them and society as well. In my opinion, I agree that spending free time in shopping malls produces detrimental effects on people because it cuts into their quality time and helps promote reckless consumerism.

Firstly, spending spare time in shopping centers will definitely affect family bonds. If teenagers prefer passing their leisure time on such activities which limit their quality time it will seriously weaken their family relationships and discourage family values.

Secondly, considering shopping malls as being centers of leisure activities for the young would leverage the wasteful and uncontrollable consumerism. At present, shopping malls are built in such a way which could attract people and tempt them into buying the unnecessary items. Many people spend huge amounts of money on unwanted items which increase their expenses and eventually they face financial problems.

Finally, passing more time in big shopping centers will probably impact the performance of the teenagers at school. The progress of a country highly relies on the young generation and if they do not utilize their precious time in their mental growth it will affect their country's development. The society is badly influenced if the people of the same waste their free time in useless activities.

In conclusion, young generation likes spending their leisure time in shopping centers, therefore they give less time to their friends and family which causes break ups and their overspendings result in financial crisis.
saqibali
Posts: 452
Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2014 6:56 am

Re: Feedback required on writing task 2 - essay

Post by saqibali »

The essay need to follow a proper structure of Ryan. Please check his videos on Youtube.
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Flick
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Re: Feedback required on writing task 2 - essay

Post by Flick »

shehmed wrote: Thu Apr 06, 2017 5:09 pm Task 2 topic: Young people spend their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on young people and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed by some that the young spend their leisure time in shopping centers, and this produces adverse effects on them and society as well. In my opinion, I agree that spending free time in shopping malls has detrimental effects on people because it cuts into their quality time and helps promote reckless consumerism.

Firstly, spending spare time in shopping centers will definitely affect family bonds. If teenagers prefer using their leisure time on such activities which limit their quality time, it will seriously weaken their family relationships and discourage family values.

Secondly, considering shopping malls as centers of leisure activities for the young encourages wasteful and uncontrollable consumerism. At present, shopping malls are built in such a way to attract people and tempt them into buying the unnecessary items. Many people spend huge amounts of money on unwanted items, which increase their expenses and eventually they face financial problems.

Finally, passing more time in big shopping centers will probably impact the performance of the teenagers at school. The progress of a country highly relies on the young generation. If they do not utilize their precious time in their mental growth, it will affect their country's development. The society is badly influenced if its people waste their free time in useless activities.

In conclusion, the younger generation likes spending leisure time in shopping centers, therefore they give less time to their friends and family which causes break ups and their overspending can result in financial crisis.
shehmed
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Mar 26, 2017 2:38 pm

Re: Feedback required on writing task 2 - essay

Post by shehmed »

Thank you for your valuable feedback.
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