Band 9 level essay

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Aky
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Band 9 level essay

Post by Aky »

Some commentators feel that grandparents should live together with their children and grandchildren, while others say that elderly people should be encouraged to live independently.

Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion.
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Answer:
The issue of whether grandparents should live with their extended families is partly a question of the traditions in different cultures or nationalities. However, the question of affordability also plays an increasing part, and so this debate is rather complex, as we shall see.

On the one hand, those who support the idea of grandparents living with their children point to the higher level of emotional support which all family members may receive in such situations, for example in times of crisis such as bereavement. Furthermore, it is also true that personal security may be increased, offering protection against such problems as accidents or even robbery. Finally, it seems that extended family life will also be considerably less costly, for instance with lower food and utility bills, meaning that enjoyment of life may be higher.

By contrast, supporters of grandparents living independently often state that elderly people should be encouraged to be as self-reliant as possible, as this boosts their self-esteem and may guard against mental decline in old age. They also say, with some merit, that many younger families these days do not have the housing space, or indeed the spare time, which is necessary to care properly for older members. As a last point, it is also true that many grandparents prefer to see their grandchildren on a less frequent basis (as opposed to every day), making these visits more special and cherished for all concerned.

Overall, it appears to me that the stronger argument is in favor of grandparents living independently, with all the advantages of self-reliance and separate space. This is provided that their health and finances allow them to continue living separately, without risk or the fear of isolation.
(282 words)
David.IELTS.Examiner
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Re: Band 9 level essay

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

This is a very good essay. Points are clear with some good development. Vocabulary and grammar are very good, both in terms of range of structures and accuracy. I like that the conclusion includes some stipulations along with your opinion. Any mistakes are minor and have little effect on meaning.

All the best,
David
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Flick
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Re: Band 9 level essay

Post by Flick »

Aky wrote: Sun Apr 02, 2017 12:53 pm Some commentators feel that grandparents should live together with their children and grandchildren, while others say that elderly people should be encouraged to live independently.

Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion.
_____________________________________________
Answer:
The issue of whether grandparents should live with their extended families is partly a question of the traditions of different cultures or nationalities. However, the question of affordability also plays an increasing part, and so this debate is rather complex, as we shall see.

On the one hand, those who support the idea of grandparents living with their children point to the higher level of emotional support which all family members may receive in such situations. For example, in times of crisis such as bereavement. Furthermore, it is also true that personal security may be increased, offering protection against such problems as accidents or even robbery. Finally, it seems that extended family life will also be considerably less costly, for instance with lower food and utility bills, meaning that enjoyment of life may be higher.

By contrast, supporters of grandparents living independently often state that elderly people should be encouraged to be as self-reliant as possible, as this boosts their self-esteem and may guard against mental decline in old age. They also say, with some merit, that many younger families these days do not have the housing space, or indeed the spare time, which is necessary to care properly for older family members. As a last point, it is also true that many grandparents prefer to see their grandchildren on a less frequent basis (as opposed to every day), making these visits more special and cherished for all concerned.

Overall, it appears to me that the stronger argument is in favor of grandparents living independently, with all the advantages of self-reliance and separate space. This is provided that their health and finances allow them to continue living separately, without risk or the fear of isolation.
(282 words)
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