writing task 2 essay - please help me improve my writing skills

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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cynix008
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Joined: Wed Mar 01, 2017 5:48 pm

writing task 2 essay - please help me improve my writing skills

Post by cynix008 »

Children usually want to play the same games and watch the same TV programs as their friends. Should parents allow it or not? Give your opinion and examples from your own experience.

In modern world children have to go through peer pressure, when it comes to choosing which game to play and which tv show to watch. In my opinion children should be allowed to make this choice however parents need to be vigilant on their children activities.

First of all, there are many advantages of letting children play the same game as their friend. Many games are multi-player games that allows children to play the game over the internet with their friends. Such games help its player to strategize and play as a team, which foster the ability to work as a team.

With the help of tv shows, children can learn many things. A large number of TV shows are broadcast in English, which helps children to learn language, as well as difference between American and British ascent. Variety of genres of TV shows helps children to develop their interest and helps in picking up a conversation amongst their friends. Due to the reason that children watch the same TV shows as their friends it help in fostering their friendship.

Even though there are many advantages, one cannot ignore the disadvantages of the phenomena. First of all, letting children play games for longer than one hour on daily basis can hamper their education. Many children who play computer games same as their friend are addicted to the games and continue to play for longer hour. In such cases parents should monitor their children’s activities and restrict them when necessary.

Studies shows that parent are more concerned about their children health in modern time than they were in the past. This is due to the fact that children are less interested in doing physical activities and playing sports. Hence it’s also important for children to not spend too much time watching tv shows.

In conclusion, children based on their peer pressure can choose which game they want to play or tv show they would like to watch as long as they are not affecting their health and education.
David.IELTS.Examiner
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Re: writing task 2 essay - please help me improve my writing skills

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

Great question!

The main paragraphs are too short. Reduce the number and/or develop the ones that remain, particularly the third.

However, your points are good.

Grammatical range is limited and there are quite a lot of basic errors, but points can still be understood fairly easily.

Vocabulary is good - just try to add some more details when you develop the points.

Overall, not bad, but pay attention to the points I have made and also try not to generalise too much - not all children behave in the same way or do the same things!

All the best,
David
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Flick
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Re: writing task 2 essay - please help me improve my writing skills

Post by Flick »

cynix008 wrote: Sat Mar 18, 2017 1:32 pm Children usually want to play the same games and watch the same TV programs as their friends. Should parents allow it or not? Give your opinion and examples from your own experience.

In today's modern world, children experience peer pressure when it comes to choosing which game to play and which tv show to watch. In my opinion, children should be allowed to make their own choice. However, parents need to be vigilant on their child's activities.

First of all, there are many advantages of letting children play the same game as their friends. Many games are multi-player games that allow children to play the game over the internet with their friends. Such games help the players to strategize and play as a team, which fosters the ability to work as a team.

With the help of tv shows, children can learn many things. A large number of TV shows are broadcast in English, which helps children to learn language, as well as the difference between American and British accents. A variety of genres of TV shows helps children to develop their interests and helps in picking up a conversation amongst their friends. Due to the reason that children watch the same TV shows as their friends, it helps in fostering their friendship.

Even though there are many advantages, one cannot ignore the disadvantages of the phenomena. First of all, letting children play games for longer than one hour on a daily basis can hamper their education. Many children who play computer games with their friends are addicted to the games and continue to play for longer than an hour. In such cases, the parents should monitor their child’s activities and restrict them when necessary.

Studies shows that parents are more concerned about their child's health than they were in the past. This is due to the fact that children are less interested in doing physical activities and playing sports. Hence, it’s also important for children to not spend too much time watching tv shows.

In conclusion, children can choose which game they want to play or tv show they would like to watch as long as they are not impacting their health and education.
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