Could you please assess my writing :)

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Elseady2014
Posts: 19
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 6:12 pm

Could you please assess my writing :)

Post by Elseady2014 »

Q :

There has been a dramatic growth in the number of people studying at universities in the last few decades. While some people see this as a positive trend which raises the general level of education within the community, others fear that it is lowering the quality of education.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of the increase in student numbers at university?

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Ans :

The number of university students has dramatically increased in recent decades, some argue having more educated people is beneficial to the whole community while others are afraid this trend will lower educational quality. This essay will argue the main advantage of this increase is a more knowledgeable and empowered citizenry, while the main disadvantage is the lowering of the value of a university degree.

Firstly, universities offer students with a countless number of merits. One of the positive advantages of having higher level of education is that it helps students to acquire variety of valuable skills for their personal and career life. For example, it has been statistically proven that individuals who enroll in universities have a better chance of being more mature at managing responsibilities and more able to have a strong position in the competitive work environment. In addition, higher level students gain great social and communication skills through their studies. This in return helps to develop good standards of living.

However, there are some drawbacks to the increasing number of university students. One negative impact on society as a whole is that this dramatic growth indirectly affects the quality of the learning process. As a result, students could gain a higher certificate but with limited academic knowledge. Another disadvantage is that enrolled university students are required to pay huge fees for their courses and this can put their families under great financial pressure.

In conclusion, studying at university holds many advantages to individuals, such as securing a well paid job and improving their skills. On the other hand, there are some drawbacks for both students and society at large. Both pros and cons have to be taken into consideration in the foreseeable future.
David.IELTS.Examiner
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Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am

Re: Could you please assess my writing :)

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

The problem is that the two arguments you have provided do not fit easily together. If the people getting degrees are better educated, then that cannot really reduce the quality of education. Your conclusion is also not very coherent.

Grammar and vocabulary are good, but are not used to create a cohesive essay.

All the best,
David
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Flick
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Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:06 pm

Re: Could you please assess my writing :)

Post by Flick »

Elseady2014 wrote: Fri Mar 10, 2017 4:17 pm Q :

There has been a dramatic growth in the number of people studying at universities in the last few decades. While some people see this as a positive trend which raises the general level of education within the community, others fear that it is lowering the quality of education.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of the increase in student numbers at university?

--------------------------------------

Ans :

The number of university students has dramatically increased in recent decades. Some people argue that having more educated people is beneficial to the whole community while others are afraid this trend will lower educational quality. This essay will argue the main advantage of this increase is a more knowledgeable and empowered citizenry, while the main disadvantage is the lowering of the value of a university degree.

Firstly, universities offer students with a countless number of merits. One of the positive advantages of having a higher level of education is that it helps students to acquire a variety of valuable skills for their personal life and career. For example, it has been statistically proven that individuals who enroll in universities have a better chance of being more mature at managing responsibilities and more able to have a strong position in the competitive work environment. In addition, higher level students gain great social and communication skills through their studies. This, in return, helps to develop good standards of living.

However, there are some drawbacks to the increasing number of university students. One negative impact on society as a whole is that this dramatic growth indirectly affects the quality of the learning process. As a result, students can gain a higher certificate but with limited academic knowledge. Another disadvantage is that enrolled university students are required to pay huge fees for their courses and this can put their families under great financial pressure.

In conclusion, studying at university holds many advantages to individuals, such as securing a well paid job and improving their skills. On the other hand, there are some drawbacks for both students and society at large. Both pros and cons have to be taken into consideration in the foreseeable future.
akinsraelddr
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2017 7:28 am

Re: Could you please assess my writing :)

Post by akinsraelddr »

Question.
For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than arts.
What do you think are the causes of this?
What can be done to draw people’s attention to art?

Answer:
Over most of history up till recently, art has been culture and values over the world; these days, though, business, science and technology seem to have taken that place. Up till about a little more than a century ago, things like electricity, and mobile phones and internet, cars, trains and airplanes - advances in communications and transport were unavailable. These changes technology also brought about wealth than ever before, far beyond the wildest imaginations of people in earlier generations. Bill Gates, the creator of Microsoft is the richest man in the world. This could not have happened without these advances.
These changes have been rapid and has dramatically altered the way we move and communicate-from the average teen in the western world that spends 56% of leisure time on social media to a rising business executive who spends a third of his working hours on the go. These effects include less facetime and superficial relationships, a reduction in the importance placed on personal relationships, a lack of empathy and a larger-than-normal emphasis on work- or the preparation for it in the university. With these, there has been a decrease in emphasis on art and the humanities, with a corresponding reduction in the appreciation of the finer things in life: like appreciation of ones cultural heritage, appreciation of good music and ability to empathize.
A couple of things can be done to stem this tide. The government can make some art courses compulsory for children in secondary school, and also as restricted electives for higher education students. An array of these art courses can be integrated into the curricula, which students will choose from, based on their interests. Also, private individuals can set up foundations which will set aside sums of money for sponsorship of people who are interested in arts. Scholarships can also be given to exceptional students.
These will go a long way in reducing these high emphasis placed on business, science and technology. Or isn’t a course spent on poetry- which will give them a good taste and of beauty and creative expression better than one in calculus which will soon be forgotten?
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