kindly evaluate my task, thanks.

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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nukulraj
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Joined: Fri Mar 03, 2017 8:45 am

kindly evaluate my task, thanks.

Post by nukulraj »

Scientists and news media are presenting ever more evidence of climate change. Governments cannot be expected to solve this problem. It is the responsibility of individuals to change their lifestyle to prevent further damage. What is your view?

Irrefutably, environmental concerns had been increased drastically since second half of last century. Presently mass media with the help of scientific community, familiarizing general public with proofs regarding dramatic atmospheric changes. For some, it is personal duty of a citizen of earth, to alter their way of living to moderate environmental damage. However others recoil as they feel, government should take care of such problem. In my opinion, to save Mother Nature from further damage government and individuals have to work side by side.
To begin with, government should launch some campaign regarding use of more public transport instead of personal vehicle. For instance, if fifty individuals commute to work by bus instead of personal care, there will be less pollutants in atmosphere. Secondly, governing body should emphasise on betterment of public transport; if a common man will understand, how much he can save, and how much he can contribute to nature by taking public transport, whole scenario will change drastically.
Moreover, governments should increase awareness for recycling goods as well as reusing recycled products. Every year millions of trees had been chopped to produce paper. If every office on this globe try to get as near paperless and try recycled paper, it will help to reduce upcoming damage on atmosphere.
Furthermore, governments should try to produce more clean and renewable source of energy like wind or solar. This kind of energy is very eco-friendly but it is unaffordable to common individual.
Government should invest in projects through which both environment both environment and citizens get benefited.
In conclusion, I like to reiterate that climate change is evitable and we still can divert the changes in opposite direction. I like to urge individuals and governments to take appropriate steps to save mother earth.

please let me know that how much score got to this essay.
David.IELTS.Examiner
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Re: kindly evaluate my task, thanks.

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

Oh, this needs a lot of work!

1. Paragraphing. Short introduction. Main paragraphs - take a side or an idea and provide development and examples. Short conclusion, summarising your main points.

2. Grammar. Too many basic errors. Stick with simple grammar until you have built up the knowledge and skills to move to more advanced structures.

3. Vocabulary. Use simple vocabulary to express ideas clearly. As with grammar, only move on to using more advanced stuff when you are good at using basic words.

All the best,
David
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Flick
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Re: kindly evaluate my task, thanks.

Post by Flick »

nukulraj wrote: Thu Mar 09, 2017 8:58 am Scientists and news media are presenting ever more evidence of climate change. Governments cannot be expected to solve this problem. It is the responsibility of individuals to change their lifestyle to prevent further damage. What is your view?

Irrefutably, environmental concerns have increased drastically since the second half of last century. Presently, mass media with the help of the scientific community is familiarizing the general public with evidence regarding dramatic atmospheric changes. Some people believe it is the personal duty of every citizen of earth to alter their way of living to moderate environmental damage. However,others feel the government should take care of this problem. In my opinion, to save Mother Nature from further damage, both the government and individuals have to work side by side.

To begin, the government should launch an awareness campaign regarding the use of more public transport instead of personal vehicles. For instance, if fifty individuals commute to work by bus instead of by private car, there will be fewer pollutants in the atmosphere. Secondly, the governing body should focus on improving public transport. If a common man understands, how much he can save and how much he can contribute to nature by taking public transport, this whole scenario will change drastically.

Moreover, governments(<--In previous paragraphs you talk about a government, now you are talking about many governments.) should increase awareness for recycling goods as well as reusing recycled products. Every year, millions of trees are chopped down to produce paper. If every office on this globe become near paperless and recycle paper, it will help to reduce damage to the atmosphere.

Furthermore, governments should try to produce more clean and renewable sources of energy like wind or solar. This kind of energy is very eco-friendly but it is unaffordable for the common individual.
Governments should invest in projects through which both the environment and citizens benefit.

In conclusion, I like to reiterate that climate change is evitable and we still can divert the changes in opposite direction.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) I urge individuals and governments to take appropriate steps to save Mother Earth.

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