kindly assess me .. task 2

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amr ramadan
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Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2017 5:33 pm

kindly assess me .. task 2

Post by amr ramadan »

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Preserving our enviroment is very essential and vital for us , as it represents a part of our society and we should consider it as our home. on the other hand some people underistimate its importance and ignore their commitment toward protecting it . In my opinion, activating the principle of reward and punishment and raising awarness among people may act as solutions for this problem.

There are many causes that make some people trivialize the importance of enviroment . One of them is the loss of the sense of belonging to the place they live , which may be aresult of not taking their rights , so their anger may be misled to the society . a second cause may be some defects in education in home and school , children tend to imitate their parents and teachers and take moral inputs from them .

we should focus on two avenues to start solving this problem . firstly , it is amust to put some types of restricions and punishments against faults toward enviroment for instance walking on green areas and throwing rubbish in streets , that is a role of government .On the other hand , society has arole , we should publish awarness among people about their responsibilities toward their hometown through media means , schools and advertisments about the importance of such thing . Each family should teach their members in order to restore the love of home, town and the whole world.

To summarize , some people don't do their best to protect their enviromrnt inspite of knowing what they should do . So we should take some real steps to make them more careful and positive .
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
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Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am

Re: kindly assess me .. task 2

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

Excellent question! Let's hope you don't go for the 'more awareness' answer which would be wrong as the statement already mentions that there's a good level of awareness!

Introduction - Oh! There it is!!! 'raising awareness'!!! :twisted:

First main paragraph - Now, I really like that point, but where's the development?! This paragraph is only slightly longer than the introduction.

Second main paragraph - Well, those punishments already exist, so that solution is void. The 'raising awareness' policy is not going to work either, as mentioned above.

Vocabulary is reasonable. There are a lot of grammatical errors, but they don't really interfere with communication. However, grammatical range is limited.

Overall, mediocre at best.

All the best,
David
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