Writing Task 2 please assess this essay

[altinbek11]

Schools are spending more time teaching traditional subjects such as history. Some people think they should rather spend more time in teaching skills that can help students find a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, school curriculums consist of much more conventional lessons such as history. It is believed by some people that it is better for students learning practical skills that more demanding in a job market. In my opinion, I think students benefit from studying practical skills because that will ensure the job prospect and promote the academic achievement of students.
To begin with, one of the primary reasons why schools need to encourage students to learn skills rather than academic subjects is that they can integrate their theoretical knowledge with real life contexts through skill learning courses. Conventional lessons mainly consist of abstract knowledge and based on teacher-lead lessons, which hinder students when they take the step into university or work. By studying skills such as research methodology, interpersonal skills, and about how to implement a project or experiment, they develop critical thinking and autonomous learning habit as well as time management which are fundamental requirements at universities and work
Another advantage for students is that they might discover their realm of interest or fields through skill learning courses, which encourage them to spend more time on their physical and mental ability rather than traditional subjects. Furthermore, that discovery will play a vital role on making life changing decisions. For instance, choosing a major is the biggest challenge students face when they graduate from high school. In consequence of skill learning lessons, they will be able to make viable decisions, that enhance academic achievement and career progression.
In conclusion, it is important that education institutions, especially high schools, need to add some skill learning courses into syllabus because that will pave the way for students to succeed in higher education and work field.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, a good essay. Your points are clear, but some specific development would be helpful. Grammar and vocabulary are good, both in terms of range and accuracy. I think that range could be improved by adding more modals - you tend to present everything as absolutely clear for all children in all situations. (Note the frequency of 'will'.)

All the best,
David

[altinbek11]

Thank you so much I will try my best