Task 2. Employment topic. Please evaluate

[HelenSun]

Your valueable feedback is needed regarding vocabulary range, grammar, response understanding and etc. I would highly appreciate it. If it is possible please approximately estimate what IELTS score it is.

Question:
Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Response:
In today's business world there is a huge variety of open job vacancies. Moreover, each employer defines own particular requirements to applicants regarding their experience, education and personal data. Whether personal information, such as hobbies or marital status, may be relevant and useful is a controversial topic. In this essay, both sides of this argument will be reviewed before a reasonable conclusion is found.

From the one hand, many people hold the opinion that some sort of personal information may be beneficial as it can allow to make up an applicant's psychological profile. For instance, my friend working as psychologist believes that people who are keen on gaming sport activities, in particular football or basketball, generally adopt to work in a team fast and get on with people well. Consequently, they can be good candidates for the job which requieres dealing with clients. This example shows how some personal information can be helpful. Hence, it is obvious why this position in the argument can be approved.

From the other hand, it is argued that some personal information may be a hindrance to hire a valued employee. To illustrate an example, a friend of mine working as a recruiter usually declines resumes from women who mentioned that they were married and had no children. The reason for this was assumption that they would take maternity leave soon whereas they were not going to do it. Nevertheless these women had strong professional skills, the information about their family status hindered them from geting the job and the recruiter might miss a valuable worker. When looking at this example, it is clear why this claim can be supported.

In conclusion, after looking at these both contesting sides, it is felt that personal information may be rather harmful than useful and relevant. Therefore, it is recommended for applicants to not include it to a resume and for employers to focus more on candidate's professional achievements.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Great question! I actually just did this with a class at the weekend!

Introduction - I'm not a fan of the use of 'reasonable conclusion' - is any candidate trying to find an UNreasonable conclusion? (Could be interesting, though!)

Overall, this is a very good essay. Points are clear and there is good development. The range and accuracy of both grammar and vocabulary are good.

Well done!
David

[HelenSun]

Thank you a lot for your reply
I will take it into account regarding 'reasonable conclusion'

[Flick]

Question:
Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Response:
In today's business world there is a huge variety of roles available. Moreover, each employer defines their own particular requirements to applicants regarding their experience, education and personal data. Whether personal information, such as hobbies or marital status, may be relevant and useful is a controversial topic. In this essay, both sides of this argument will be reviewed before a conclusion is drawn.

On the one hand, many people hold the opinion that some sort of personal information may be beneficial as it can allow one to better understand an applicant's psychological profile. For instance, my friend working as a psychologist believes that people who are keen on playing sports, in particular football or basketball, generally adapt to working in a team fast and get on with people well. Consequently, they can be good candidates for a job which requires dealing with clients. This example shows how some personal information can be helpful. Hence, it is obvious why this position in the argument is held by many.

On the other hand, it is argued that some personal information may be a hindrance to hiring a valued employee. To illustrate, a friend of mine working as a recruiter usually declines resumes from women who mention that they are married and have no children. The reason for this is the assumption that they will take maternity leave soon. Although these women have strong professional skills, the information about their family status hinders them from geting the job and the recruiter might miss a valuable worker. When looking at this example, it is clear why this claim can be supported.

In conclusion, after looking at both contesting sides, it is felt that personal information may be more harmful than useful and relevant. Therefore, it is recommended for applicants to not include it in a resume, and for employers to focus more on the candidate's professional achievements.

[HelenSun]

Hello Flick,
Thank you a lot for your contribution and help for me.