Please Evaluate GT Writing Task 2. Thanks in Advance

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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Katy Semm
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Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2017 6:14 am

Please Evaluate GT Writing Task 2. Thanks in Advance

Post by Katy Semm »

Q: - Some people believe that children should spend all their free time with their families. Others believe that this is un-necessary or ever negative. Discuss possible arguments and give your opinion.
A:-
Time spent by children with their families, is thought by some to be a necessity these days while others think that it is not required. This essay will examine views for and against, followed by a final opinion.
People who argue that children must spend their free time with families do so because of certain reasons. Firstly, they consider it to be a good way of having family conversations especially with parents , which is very essential now a days in order to build up a strong bond, since talking can aid in to effectively understand children’s point of view in various situations and vice-versa. This can lead to a better relationship among them and hence keep them united. Apart from this parents are considered to be the greatest well wishers of children as they have gained a lot of experience in their life personally and professionally and no one else apart from them, can guide their kids perfectly so as to let them have a trouble-free life. For these reasons mostly, spending time with them is judged as beneficial.
On the other hand, opponents review in this context is different. First and foremost, their belief is instead of passing time with family, children should utilize it to socialize with their peers or friends. This will lead to build up positive and constructive relationships and it plays as pivotal role in improving overall growth and development of an individual. Other than this, in a family, a child is treated very protectively; however this is not the case outside. By spending time away from parents, he would have to deal with all difficult situations in life himself and this will enhance his capability of sorting out things at his own level resulting in being a strong human being mentally. That is why, it is not always necessary to spend time with family or guardians all the time.
To sum up, it seems to me that although sparing time for family is certainly needed, but vitally important part for children is to perform all those activities and have social relationships which are fundamental requirements in mental and physical development.
arsa818
Posts: 29
Joined: Thu Feb 12, 2015 10:59 am

Re: Please Evaluate GT Writing Task 2. Thanks in Advance

Post by arsa818 »

A good essay .

Things I have noticed is that in the first paragraph you started the sequence with first and there is no second point. this hinders you coherence and cohesion. Paragraph are bit underdeveloped.
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Flick
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Re: Please Evaluate GT Writing Task 2. Thanks in Advance

Post by Flick »

Katy Semm wrote: Mon Feb 06, 2017 11:07 am Q: - Some people believe that children should spend all their free time with their families. Others believe that this is un-necessary or ever negative. Discuss possible arguments and give your opinion.
A:-
Time spent by children with their families is thought by some to be a necessity these days, while others think that it is not required. This essay will examine views for and against, followed by a final opinion.

People who argue that children must spend their free time with their family do so because of certain reasons. Firstly, they consider it to be a good way of having family conversations, especially with parents, which is essential nowadays in order to build a strong bond, since talking can aid in effectively understanding a child’s point of view in various situations and vice-versa. This can lead to a better relationship and hence keep the family united. In addition to this, parents are considered to be the greatest well-wishers of children as they have gained a lot of experience in their lives personally and professionally, and no one else apart from them (<--What about teachers?) can guide their kids to become successful adults. For these reasons, spending time with them is judged as beneficial.

On the other hand, opponents disagree with this belief. First and foremost, their belief is instead of spending time with family, children should utilize it to socialize with their peers or friends. This will lead to positive and constructive relationships, and it plays a pivotal role in improving overall growth and development of an individual. Other than this, in a family, a child is treated very protectively. However, this is not the case outside the family home. By spending time away from their parents, children learn to deal with all manner of difficult situations, and this will enhance their capability of sorting things out independently, resulting in becoming a strong human being mentally. That is why it is not always necessary to spend time with family or guardians all the time.

To sum up, it seems to me that although sparing time for family is certainly needed, it is vitally important for children to perform various activities and have social relationships which are fundamental requirements in mental and physical development.
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