Please kindly review my writing task 2

[Phyoe]

Question: Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Globalisation makes us communicate between nations more and learning foreign language becomes more common. Some people may assert that they learn other language for the sole purpose of travelling to that country or for the employment opportunity in the respective country. However, others claim that people ought to learn foreign language for some other reasons. In my view, although knowing how to speak other language could help for visiting and working in the respective country, there could still be other reasons to pursue to be multi-lingual.
Some people think that foreign language may only be required to learn when they travel to that foreign country or work in there. This could be because, firstly, if people are living and working in a mother country, it seems unnecessary to learn other languages since they are able to communicate using mother tongue routinely. Another reason could be the chance of forgetting how to speak even after learning new language. This is because everything, which have been learnt, could become rusty if they are not used practically frequently.
On the other hand, others believe that there are some other reasons to be multi-lingual. To begin with, there would be more job opportunity by knowing other language even in a mother country. This mean that more multi-national company may require people, who are bilingual or multi-lingual, these days. Furthermore, language ability is more likely to be compulsory qualification for some jobs such as translator or tour-guide. Finally, every country is dealing with other nations in order to help or to be helped each other. Therefore, English has been recognised as second language globally and learning English, at least, as a foreign language would be beneficial for everyone to communicate between countries, effectively.
To conclude, knowing other languages could be handy when people travel or work in a foreign country. However, the reasons for learning other language could not be limited for these purposes only. Therefore, in my view, the benefits of being bilingual or multi-lingual are enormous for both personally and nationally.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Introduction as long as the first main paragraph

Well, you have answered the question, but it's a little disappointing that the only reasons are 'work'.

Vocabulary is good, but you need to work on the grammar. There is a limited range of structures and mistakes are common - even basic ones such as plurals.

The point about English in the second main paragraph, whilst true, doesn't really contribute to the answer.

All the best,
David

[Phyoe]

Hello David,
Thank you for your feedback. I will try to improve myself. I appreciate it.
Regards,
Phyoe