Excuse me , could you asses my Task 2 please

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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Elseady2014
Posts: 19
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 6:12 pm

Excuse me , could you asses my Task 2 please

Post by Elseady2014 »

Since the dawn of mankind , travel has been an integral part of every society life . Nowadays it becomes more easily to travel from an edge of the earth to another , mainly due to the advent of economical air travel . Although it is clearly seen that this trend has tremendous benefits for both Business and tourism sectors , it is also argued that it has damaging effects on environment


Firstly , international travel has become more accessible and thus provided both individuals and society a chance to improve the business quality and tourism by crossing barriers and exchange with other cultures , it is now affordable for every person to travel from any side of the earth to any destination which he would like to visit , thus helped in improvement of the economical and entertainment level of almost all communities.


On the other hand some people argue that the cheap air travels have associated detrimental environmental costs . For example , air planes use a huge amount of fuel , anon renewable resource. They also emit high levels of carbon dioxide , which is the main contributor to climate change and global warming also cheap airlines offering a 2 $ flight from London to Rome only exacerbate the negative impact of cheap travels due to the short stays and the environmental hazards related to it


In conclusion , international travel is extremely helpful for both business and leisure but at the same time there are environmental side effects associated to it . So it is recommended that before hurrying to growing this trend, it would be wisely to aware the travellers of the true cost of their travels related to the environment and to make their choices accordingly .
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David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
Posts: 1371
Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am

Re: Excuse me , could you asses my Task 2 please

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

In your introduction, it might be better just to refer to air travel.

You say that air travel is now affordable for everyone. Absolutely not true!!! you also don not say how this benefits communities economically.

In the second main paragraph, the focus on cheap airlines is not made clearly. What environmental hazards?

In the conclusion, you say 'it is recommended' - who by?

Overall, not a bad essay, but the inclusion of incorrect/unexplained points means that it couldn't get a high score. Grammar and vocabulary are good, but not used to create a good argument.

All the best,
David
Elseady2014
Posts: 19
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 6:12 pm

Re: Excuse me , could you asses my Task 2 please

Post by Elseady2014 »

thank you so much , your feedback is so valuable <3
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