Please re-evaluate my conclusion. Please Please. Thank you.

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
Post Reply
Enne09
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2017 8:30 am

Please re-evaluate my conclusion. Please Please. Thank you.

Post by Enne09 »

Question: Some universities require students to take classes in many subjects. Other universities require students to specialize in one subject. Which is better? Use specific reasons to support your answer.


Education has been highly valued by many but there is an increasing discussion about whether it would be better for a student to take classes in numerous subjects or primarily specialize in one area. To my mind, although the purest intention of some colleges for the students to learn a wide array of knowledge is endearing, it is best to intensely focus in on one subject as this will enable the sedulous pupils to become adept in learning a particular skill that is greatly desirable to employers or businesses.

Many universities opt to implement a curriculum in which students take classes in numerous subjects owing to the belief that pupils will exceedingly gain knowledge in various areas. In today's society, it can be terribly detrimental for a person to be ignorant about present day issues, which can be remarkably addressed through studying multiple subjects. For example, various schools in Southeast Asia include incredibly helpful subjects like political science or economics for students who are taking up medical courses in order for the learners to acquire valuable insight about their nation's government structure or economic status. This situation will incubate socio-political awareness and other forms of educational acquisitions when one studies different subjects.

Some colleges, on the other hand, require students to specialize in one area as this will assist the pupils to attain and master the skills gained from learning the sole subject. In this modern world, where time is of the essence, one must aim to practically learn only what is needed for a particular employment. For instance, certain schools in the Philippines like the reputable Far Eastern University have personalized a subject that tailor fits the requisite skills that nurses need. Such a turn in the curriculum from the conventional multiple subjects has nurtured productive outcomes as the nurses are well-equipped with the knowledge gotten from such universities. As a result, the pupils from colleges with a single subject can walk head up high as they are confidently well prepared to venture into the formidably harsh reality of occupation.

In my opinion, although it can be immensely fascinating to take up classes in numerous subjects to learn about various areas, it is impractical to do so as what matters in the brutally modern society is to get lucrative skills that are supremely sought for by employers. In addition, those who study one subject have an enormous advantage as they become profitable experts in their chosen field.
Last edited by Enne09 on Wed Jan 18, 2017 3:09 am, edited 1 time in total.
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
Posts: 1371
Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am

Re: Please evaluate my essay. Please Please. Thank you.

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

A very good question!

The main problem with your answer is that you point out the advantage of taking a wider variety of courses, but then totally dismiss this in your conclusion. If it is so good, you certainly must say why you don't recommend it.

This quite a common problem. Many candidates are apparently unable to express (in either speaking or writing) why certain arguments outweigh others.

Vocabulary and grammar are very good with relatively few errors. So, just a little more care with making points!

All the best,
David
Enne09
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2017 8:30 am

Re: Please evaluate my essay. Please Please. Thank you.

Post by Enne09 »

Hello David, I deeply appreciate you evaluating my essay though I am but a sand in a beach full of IELTS students aspiring to get a qualifying score. Thank you so much. Also, I do need your much cherished feedback because I changed my opinion due to, as what you have said, the common errors test takers make in the conclusion part of the essay. I appreciate everything you do. Thank you for any urgent reply.

New conclusion:

In my opinion, although it can be interesting to take up classes in numerous subjects to obtain a broad range of knowledge and to gain appreciation about various fields, it is majorly impractical to do so as this situation is not only time consuming but also distracting to the pupils in focusing on mastering skills, which supremely matter to employers, by studying one subject. In addition, with the expertise acquired from learning a single subject, students can face the brutal challenges of employment with undaunted competence and confidence.
Enne09
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2017 8:30 am

Re: Please re-evaluate my conclusion. Please Please. Thank you.

Post by Enne09 »

I am persistent. Please grant my request
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
Posts: 1371
Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am

Re: Please re-evaluate my conclusion. Please Please. Thank you.

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Yes, that seems reasonable, although I think it does depend on which subject you are studying.

Brutal challenges? Which jobs are we talking about here - lion tamer or primary school teacher?

Undaunted confidence? Oh, I've met that in my life and it always turns out badly!

All the best,
David
Post Reply