would you please assess this essay

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
Post Reply
Dr.Mafdy
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Jan 09, 2017 4:12 pm

would you please assess this essay

Post by Dr.Mafdy »

Some people advocate death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society.
Describe advantages and disadvantages of death penalty and give your opinion.

Answer

As the rates of crime rises to non preceded levels all over the world, and with widespread political and domestic violence, and with the craving for right judgment for the sake of crime victims, the matter of what’s called “Capital punishment” emerges. Some people, including I, think that exploiting the killer is the most suitable punishment, while others believe that in a modern developed society, death should be considered an inappropriate punishment and should not be accepted
For those who think ending the life of the killer should be accepted, the right of the victim stands first. If a life is ended on purpose, then the criminal’s life should be ended in the same way, so that the punishment becomes of the same kind of the crime. Furthermore, knowing that the price is extremely high, the criminal will fear the consequences and think twice before committing a life threatening crime. Another point is that the relatives of the victims will not be satisfied if the killer of their beloved spend a couple of years, however long, then come out alive. Lastly, with the expansion of terrorism and ideological violence, it is unlikely that those kept in prison will repent, instead, they may lead others outside to commit similar crimes. That’s why I believe that the “Capital punishment” fits for the capital crime.
On the other hand, other people think that there is no place for such killing as a form of punishment. They assume that in a developed society, killing should not be acceptable, even for a punishment, instead they would argue that the killer is himself a victim of harsh life circumstances, marginalizing by a fanatic society, or faulty religious our ideological interpretations. They would better accept imprisonment, even life time imprisonment, sometimes with attempts at rehabilitating the criminal to fit with society and accept differences. Although these arguments are correct, I myself believe they are somewhat idealistic and to some extent ignoring the victim’s rights.
To conclude, the death penalty will remain a matter of debate between those who accept it as the only acceptable punishment for killers, and those who believe simply that we don’t have to accept killing even as a punishment. For me, I believe that it should be accepted only for major crimes, with very strict judgment and with putting the good of the society and the right of the victim above all considerations.
David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
Posts: 1371
Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 4:34 am

Re: would you please assess this essay

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

This is actually a good essay! Points are clear and developed. Vocabulary is very good (ideological, fanatic, harsh) and there is a good range of grammar, despite many errors. In the conclusion, there is a glaring error. you state that the rights of the victim are paramount, but the victim is dead!!!

All the best,
David
Dr.Mafdy
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Jan 09, 2017 4:12 pm

Re: would you please assess this essay

Post by Dr.Mafdy »

thank you for your help
Dr.Mafdy
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Jan 09, 2017 4:12 pm

Re: would you please assess this essay

Post by Dr.Mafdy »

thank you for your help
Post Reply