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Please , I need your feed back .. Thanking you in advance

Posted: Wed Jan 11, 2017 4:15 pm
by pharmacistine
The question is : Being a celebrity such as a famous film star or sports personality brings problems as well as benefits . Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems ?

The question is from Cambridge 9 Book


There is no doubt that everyone have a passion for achieving fame . While being a public personality brings happiness and financial satisfaction , a number of problems emerges in correlation to fame .
To begin , celebrities can make serious fortunes with comparatively less effort than others make . In other words , being a public personality afford them to the opportunity to do what they like . Not to mention , celebrities often earn love and respect of the audience .
On the other hand , the more the celebrity is famous , the more busy they will become . For instance , in an interview , the canadian idol singer Celine Dion averred that it had not been easy to balance the books between work and personal life with regard to time . She also said that she had had to disappear away from lights for two years to look after her husband who was terminally ill . Moreover , public personalities find it hard to enjoy their privacy without violation . Thet are often chased by critics , audiences or media properiers .
Looking at both sides of the discussion , my own sentiments are on par with the idea that being a celebrity brings happiness as long as you manage to devote certain time for either work or family .
To sum up , it has been clear that the pros of being a celebrity slightly overweigh the cons .

Re: Please , I need your feed back .. Thanking you in advance

Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2017 5:01 am
by David.IELTS.Examiner

Your conclusion is not expressed as a personal opinion, although your opinion is quite clear. Some of your points are unclear, largely because you failed to use modals or suitable adverbs. For instance, you say that celebrities can do what they like, then say that they constantly have their privacy invaded, suggesting that they cannot do what they like so easily.

Overall, there is a lack of range in grammar and points are not clearly developed.

All the best,