Please , I need your feed back .. Thanking you in advance

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pharmacistine
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Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 7:14 am

Please , I need your feed back .. Thanking you in advance

Post by pharmacistine » Wed Jan 11, 2017 4:15 pm

The question is : Being a celebrity such as a famous film star or sports personality brings problems as well as benefits . Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems ?

The question is from Cambridge 9 Book

Answer

There is no doubt that everyone have a passion for achieving fame . While being a public personality brings happiness and financial satisfaction , a number of problems emerges in correlation to fame .
To begin , celebrities can make serious fortunes with comparatively less effort than others make . In other words , being a public personality afford them to the opportunity to do what they like . Not to mention , celebrities often earn love and respect of the audience .
On the other hand , the more the celebrity is famous , the more busy they will become . For instance , in an interview , the canadian idol singer Celine Dion averred that it had not been easy to balance the books between work and personal life with regard to time . She also said that she had had to disappear away from lights for two years to look after her husband who was terminally ill . Moreover , public personalities find it hard to enjoy their privacy without violation . Thet are often chased by critics , audiences or media properiers .
Looking at both sides of the discussion , my own sentiments are on par with the idea that being a celebrity brings happiness as long as you manage to devote certain time for either work or family .
To sum up , it has been clear that the pros of being a celebrity slightly overweigh the cons .

David.IELTS.Examiner
IELTS Examiner
IELTS Examiner
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Re: Please , I need your feed back .. Thanking you in advance

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner » Mon Jan 16, 2017 5:01 am

Hello!

Your conclusion is not expressed as a personal opinion, although your opinion is quite clear. Some of your points are unclear, largely because you failed to use modals or suitable adverbs. For instance, you say that celebrities can do what they like, then say that they constantly have their privacy invaded, suggesting that they cannot do what they like so easily.

Overall, there is a lack of range in grammar and points are not clearly developed.

All the best,
David

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Flick
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Re: Please , I need your feed back .. Thanking you in advance

Post by Flick » Thu Jan 26, 2017 7:51 pm

pharmacistine wrote:The question is : Being a celebrity such as a famous film star or sports personality brings problems as well as benefits . Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems ?

The question is from Cambridge 9 Book

Answer

There is no doubt that everyone has a passion for achieving fame. While being a public personality brings happiness and financial satisfaction, a number of problems emerge in correlation to fame.

To begin, celebrities can make large fortunes with comparatively less effort than others make. In other words, being a public figure affords them the opportunity to do what they like. Not to mention, celebrities often earn the love and respect of their audience.

On the other hand, the more famous the celebrity is, the more busy they will become. For instance, in an interview, the Canadian singer Celine Dion averred that it had not been easy to balance between work and personal life with regard to time. She also said that she had had to disappear away from the lights for two years to look after her husband who was terminally ill. Moreover, public personalities find it hard to enjoy their privacy without violation. They are often chased by critics, audiences or media properiers(<--What is 'properiers'?).

Looking at both sides of the discussion, my own sentiments are on par with the idea that being a celebrity brings happiness as long as you manage to devote a certain amount of time to both work and family.

To sum up, it has been clear that the pros of being a celebrity slightly outweigh the cons.
Please note: There is no space between words and punctuation.

pharmacistine
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Dec 30, 2016 7:14 am

Re: Please , I need your feed back .. Thanking you in advance

Post by pharmacistine » Fri Mar 03, 2017 11:30 pm

Flick wrote:
Thu Jan 26, 2017 7:51 pm
pharmacistine wrote:The question is : Being a celebrity such as a famous film star or sports personality brings problems as well as benefits . Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems ?

The question is from Cambridge 9 Book

Answer

There is no doubt that everyone has a passion for achieving fame. While being a public personality brings happiness and financial satisfaction, a number of problems emerge in correlation to fame.

To begin, celebrities can make large fortunes with comparatively less effort than others make. In other words, being a public figure affords them the opportunity to do what they like. Not to mention, celebrities often earn the love and respect of their audience.

On the other hand, the more famous the celebrity is, the more busy they will become. For instance, in an interview, the Canadian singer Celine Dion averred that it had not been easy to balance between work and personal life with regard to time. She also said that she had had to disappear away from the lights for two years to look after her husband who was terminally ill. Moreover, public personalities find it hard to enjoy their privacy without violation. They are often chased by critics, audiences or media properiers(<--What is 'properiers'?).

Looking at both sides of the discussion, my own sentiments are on par with the idea that being a celebrity brings happiness as long as you manage to devote a certain amount of time to both work and family.

To sum up, it has been clear that the pros of being a celebrity slightly outweigh the cons.
Please note: There is no space between words and punctuation.
Firstly , I,m grateful for you and for David for your replies :)

Then , I saw that media properiers is a meaningless expression , I meant ( media proprietor ) .. that,s the correct word to say .

Finally , I,t clear that I need much effort to attain my target IELTS score . It,s not easy I know .

The interesting thing is that I used to get full marks in english exams at school as a student :D :D

The problem bases in the way english is taught in some countries . They focus only on isolated vocabulary and theoritical grammer . The result is a student who is unable to use or employ what he has learnt to communicate in english neither in speaking nor in writing . Even english teachers here in my country are unable to run a complete conversation . so I did not practice english well . However , It,s never late to learn anything or make any accomplishment , so I will never give up hope . One day , I ,ll speak and write in english fluently .

Thank you again .

gd1234
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Re: Please , I need your feed back .. Thanking you in advance

Post by gd1234 » Sun Mar 05, 2017 11:50 am

221 Words.

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