Please EVALUATE My writing PLEASE PLEASE <3

[Elseady2014]

Task 2 Topic : " Gap between Rich and Poor "


There is a serious widening Gap between Rich people and Poor in many countries and Unfortunately including my country , to sum up the causes of this problem we have to know first that we are in a serious need for applicable solution so i would like to focus on two main reasons for this problem and put the Highlight for possible ways to overcome them .

Firstly, One of the main significant Causes is the Absence of equality in these Societies . in brief there is imbalanced opportunities for both rich and poor , we see always that Rich People get the chances to improve their fortune , but on the other hand we see that Poor people are Stuck in their limited lives and No equal chances for improvement and Investment , in addition there is a more devastating issue related to poor people that Governments put them in struggle for surviving so for sorry most of them lose the attitude to create or take a Risk for change

so according to this point of view i suggest only one logic way to solve the first issue and it is simply the Equality through offering different opportunities for poor people to make their own projects and ideas and support them for improving their live . in addition , Government must teach the new generations including poor and rich ones the required skills for fair competition and implant the attitude of change and success in everyone.

secondly, another main cause for this gap is the Lack of good manners among some of the Rich people that makes them sometimes steal some rights that were supposed to be for each one but they use them just in their behalf . so if we could put restrict rules to follow the misuse and apply proper punishments for any one break the rules then we could see this gap lowered in coming future

in Conclusion , we all have talents and we all able to be do the change we wish for our lives but the absence of equality and lack of good manners are boundaries for many people to get their challenge

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

In the first and second paragraphs, the points are so general that they are basically meaningless. Why does this situation exist? What projects are you writing about? In the third main paragraph, I think I know what you mean, but is this really about good manners?

Vocabulary is very weak. Grammar is reasonable, but there are numerous errors.

All the best,
David