Please evaluate task 2... Thanks

[hemantsharma90]

Some people think that there are now too many cars on the road and that they are spoiling our towns and cities. Do you agree?

People’s disposable income has increased significantly over the period of time. Pupils are spending a large part of their income on luxury goods such as cars and houses. Many feel that increasing private vehicles are affecting our towns and cities. From my perspective, I agree with the state. However, it has few advantages as well which should not be ignored. The same is explained below.

On one hand, increasing private cars on the roads is causing numerous troubles for localities. First and foremost, increased private transportation is the main cause of traffic congestion which further leads to waste of natural resources. Moreover, our environment is getting contaminated from the emission generated by these vehicles. As a result, people are struggling with many breathing diseases such as Asthma. For example, In Delhi, approximately 70% of people have acquired their own means of transportation in the past which is why citizens now have to wait for hours in traffic to reach at their destination and moreover, because of high amounts of pollution, the city’s air quality is getting worse by every passing day which is very alarming. Furthermore, even road accidents are touching new peaks every day. In addition, if we do not take appropriate steps then our natural resources will be consumed in no time.

On the other hand, increased individual owned transportation facilities are very beneficial especially in developing countries like India. On can move here to there very comfortably which is not at all possible in public transport. In addition to that, while travelling with family or even in emergency situations, it is necessary to have such vehicles which could help to cover such conditions.

To conclude, after analyzing both aspects, it is clear that it has many drawbacks with few benefits which could impact our life badly. As we can see that all the problems are linked and we can control the situation if we solve the main problem. Government should take strict actions such as limiting the usage of private cars as this will help to reduce pollution as well as traffic jams.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

1. Introduction - I agree with the state???

2. Be careful with phrasing. If all journeys in cities take hours (paragraph 1) then anyone using private vehicles to travel in an emergency (paragraph 2) would, frankly, be more than a little stupid!

3. Conclusion - 'few benefits which could impact our life badly'???

4. Your conclusion doesn't directly answer the question.

Overall, grammar and vocabulary are weak and meaning is sometimes unclear, particularly in key parts of the essay (e.g. the conclusion).

All the best,
David