Please check my writing in T1

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alnour
Posts: 24
Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2016 8:10 am

Please check my writing in T1

Post by alnour »

The graph shows how prices differ of advanced tools over time between 2004 and 2006 in Egypt in terms of US dollars. A glance at the chart, then it is noticed that the navigation system was at higher price than smart phones but at 2006 they became at a similar price.
In 2004, the prices were steady during the year for both navigation and smart phones, they were 4000$ and 3000$ respectively. Though in 2005, the first half of the year had the navigation system and smart phones cost 3200$ and 2700$ accordingly. By the second half of the year the two prices were nearly similar with just 100$ difference.
2006 witnessed a variety of changes. in the first half there was a contrast noticed with the navigation at the price of 3500$ and the smart phones lower by 900$. Then the two prices shared the same 2600$ cost.
To sum up, navigation system prices decreased with the advance of technology, nevertheless smartphones kept with a slight changes in costs through the years.
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David.IELTS.Examiner
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Re: Please check my writing in T1

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

Overall, quite good. In the second half of 2005, the prices are very similar. This is not reflected in the second sentence but is mentioned later. Grammar and vocabulary are good, despite some mistakes. The advance of technology is not mentioned in the diagram (final sentence). So, we can see that this report doesn't need any fundamental changes, just some tidying up in certain places.

All the best,
David
alnour
Posts: 24
Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2016 8:10 am

Re: Please check my writing in T1

Post by alnour »

Thank you David.I will try to work hard on the tidiness part.
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Flick
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Re: Please check my writing in T1

Post by Flick »

alnour wrote:The graph shows how prices of advanced tools differ over time between 2004 and 2006 in Egypt in terms of US dollars. A glance at the chart, then it is noticed that the navigation system was at higher price than smart phones but at 2006 they became at a similar price.(<--Reword to: "It is clear that navigation systems were more popular in 2004, but by 2006, they were at a similar price to smart phones.")

In 2004, the prices were steady during the year for both navigation and smart phones, they were 4000$ and 3000$ respectively.(<--Reword to: "In 2004, navigation systems and smart phones cost $4000 and $3000 respectively.") Though in 2005, the first half of the year had the navigation system and smart phones cost 3200$ and 2700$ accordingly.(<--Reword to: "However, in 2005 there was a price drop for both products to $3200 and $2700 respectively.") By the second half of the year, the two prices were very similar with just $100 difference.

2006 witnessed a variety of changes. in the first half there was a contrast noticed with the navigation at the price of 3500$ and the smart phones lower by 900$.(<--Reword to: "The price of navigation systems rose again to almost $3500, while smart phones dropped to $900.") Then the two prices shared the same 2600$ cost.(<--Reword to: "However, by the end of the year, the cost of both products was the same, $2600.")
To sum up, navigation system prices decreased with the advance of technology, while smartphones maintained a regular price over the years.
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