Please, check my WT2.

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murad agayev
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Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2015 8:09 pm

Please, check my WT2.

Post by murad agayev »

In modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In our modern world, exploiting animals for food and their products is already unnecessary, I completely agree with this opinion, because I believe that we do not need to slaughter animals in order to accommodate or nutritional, fashion and health requirements.

On the one hand, unlike the other predators who kill for their food, people can survive on a completely plan based diet nowadays. If we look at the most parts of the World, we notice that many people choose vegetarian diet on a daily basis for moral and health reasons. It has been proved that plant based nutrition can reduce the risk of disease like cancer. As well as, keeping animals like pigs, cows and chickens in cramped living conditions in intensively reared livestock for slaughtering is morally appalling. Thereby, humans have no moral rights to suffer animals in the present time.

On the other hand, while I support not using animals for food todays, I believe that it is also unnecessary killing animals for fashion. Thus, these days there is an endless supply of clothes made from synthetic materials and cotton that could be recycled. Furthermore, in recent years developed a wide range of computer models can make opportunity doing medical experiments and predicting the reactions of new drugs virtually. So, it is already no need using animals in medical researches and new drug tests.

In conclusion, I believe that in the developing world killing animals for food, fashion and medical tests is morally wrong and there is no necessity to exploit them.
David.IELTS.Examiner
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Re: Please, check my WT2.

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

Overall, a good essay. Vocabulary is good, clear and contains some higher-level items (cramped, slaughtering, morally appalling, synthetic materials). There is a good range of grammatical structures and accuracy is also quite good, despite some basic errors (no need using). Watch out for some vocabulary inaccuracies (suffer, opportunity) and spelling!

My main suggestion is to either divide the second main paragraph into two, or to delete one of the points and develop the other. The two points (medicine and fashion) are unrelated.

A good essay that can easily be improved into a very good one.

All the best,
David
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Flick
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Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2014 10:06 pm

Re: Please, check my WT2.

Post by Flick »

murad agayev wrote:In modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In our modern world, many people feel that exploiting animals for food and other products is already unnecessary. I completely agree with this opinion, because I believe that we do not need to slaughter animals in order to accommodate our nutritional, fashion and health requirements.

On the one hand, unlike the other predators who kill for their food, people can survive on a completely plant-based diet nowadays. If we look at many parts of the world, we notice that many people choosea vegetarian diet on a daily basis for moral and health reasons. It has been proved that plant-based nutrition can reduce the risk of diseases like cancer. On top of this, keeping animals like pigs, cows and chickens in cramped living conditions for slaughtering is morally appalling. Thereby, humans have no moral rights to cause suffering to animals in the present time.

On the other hand, while I support not using animals for food nowadays, I believe that it is also unnecessary to kill animals for fashion. Thus, these days there is an endless supply of clothes made from synthetic materials and cotton that could be recycled. Furthermore, in recent years, scientist have developed a wide range of computer models to carry out medical experiments and predict the reactions of new drugs virtually. So, there is no need to use animals in medical research and new drug tests.

In conclusion, I believe that in today's world, killing animals for food, fashion and medical tests is morally wrong and there is no reason to exploit them.
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