FOR EVALUATION PLS-Writing Task 2 Academic

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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joyweib
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Joined: Mon Jul 27, 2015 1:44 pm

FOR EVALUATION PLS-Writing Task 2 Academic

Post by joyweib »

It's been a long time since I practiced writing for IELTS and now I'm back on it. I chose the topic from Ryan's contest..please I'll be delighted if any English Teacher or IELTS coach can evaluate my writing! Thanks in advance!

In some cultures, children are expected to follow very strict rules of behaviour. In other cultures, children are allowed to do almost anything they want. What are the merits of each opinion? What is your position on the matter? Include relevant examples in your response.

In various cultures, certain rules can be found and one is how children should behave. Some cultures allow children to have freedom in all aspects while some are restricted to specific rules. Nevertheless, both have advantages in molding the behaviors of children which I will elaborate in my essay.

Firstly, some countries in the Middle East possess laws which people should abide strictly and one of these is how the children should behave. For instance, children are being sent to exclusive schools for boys and girls wherein there is no chance to mingle with the opposite sex, even after school. Moreover, their behaviours are confined by laws that they should wear proper attire, not being allowed to go out on dates and engage in relationships. The benefits to this is pre-marital sex will be avoided and they would be conservative in nature avoiding to be sexually harassed. Thus, following strict rules of behavior is somewhat beneficial.

In contrast, some cultures allow children to be liberated. For instance, Western and Asian countries are not that much concern in restricting the behaviours of children. Regardless of the age, they allow these children to do whatever they want in means of school, at home, and in the community. For example, children in the community are allowed to voice out their concerns in means of youth groups allowed by the government. This is beneficial for the development of a child’s behaviour because it will enable them to develop self-importance and confidence in themselves. Therefore, having such freedom in children gives merit.

In my point of view, giving such freedom to children is more advantageous than restricting their behaviours because they are individuals who deserve to grow freely, happy and satisfied throughout their lives. On the other hand, the outcome of children's behaviours still depends on themselves regardless of the rules.
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