Please review my essay and provide feeback

This is the place to ask a question about the IELTS or raise an IELTS related topic for public discussion.
Post Reply
Nayazah
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Aug 19, 2017 11:34 am

Please review my essay and provide feeback

Post by Nayazah »

Most countries want to improve the standard of living through economic development, however, others think the social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

Over the last few decades, many countries are aggressively involved in improving the economic condition and uplifting the living standards of people. Whereas, on other hand people perceive that in the race of improving the living standards, social values are getting neglected. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the development of economy.

It is certainly true that countries with developing economies has improved people health by providing advanced standard of public service such as health and education. Also, higher education standards in nation can result in higher diversity of skills and literacy. This enables greater job opportunities in the field of health care, science, tech, finance and engineering sector. Consequently, the living standards of the county depends on the growing economy.
However, while the society benefits from growing economy, other people perceive that improved economy can lead to loss of social values. As the countries grows, this may lead to long hours of work, more business meetings, which means parents will spend less quality time with their children. Thus, children may feel depressed and spend more time with their friends which sometimes have detrimental effects in their life. For instance, a study in American newspaper has revealed that children who often commit crimes doesn’t have good support from the families or have trouble families.

In conclusion, I certainly believe that improving national economy will benefits the people in terms of health, education and job opportunities. Although it can affect the families negatively, but this impact is minimal when compared to benefits it brings to the nation.
saqibali
Posts: 452
Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2014 6:56 am

Re: Please review my essay and provide feeback

Post by saqibali »

I think your both paragraphs are under developed.
Limited free classes and unlimited best IELTS material at below link
https://www.facebook.com/pages/IELTS-No ... 3123916148
Post Reply