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I am expecting a tremendous improvement if you rewrite this essay again in the same thread. If I write this essay again, it will not give you opportunity to practice your lack areas.

If you write the same essay again and again and I keep pointing your weaknesses, you would practice much better.

Most parts of the essay are out of topic.

Please read the topic many times, write down allowed areas of discussion and then again write the first paragraph.

Although the sentences need to be logically connected.

Q: Some people think that it is better to educate girls and boys in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. A: In many parts of the world ( Does this relate to topic that we are allowed...

Farid, 1. Always plan the essay before you write. Write a high level structure on a paper before you start. This practice would help you to write equal length paragraphs and stay on topic. You will be in position to summarize the third and fourth paragraph in first one. May I suggest to see Ryan wri...

I suggest you check some videos of Ryan and practice some essays. This practice will engrave a structure in your mind.

Secondly, as you write, rewrite the essay topic and your previously written context again and again. This would help you to be on track.

Also plan well before you start writing.

Due to development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree? ************************************************...

The essay topic is not addressed

The second paragraph is bit out of topic.
You made an assumption that all listeners are authors?

The essay is out of the topic, particularly the second paragraph.

Please recheck. If you kindly rewrite it again, it will be much improved and I will be in position to assess your skills in more details.

I think you need to follow a structure and plan it well before you start

I would add one point for improvement
The length of second paragraph is shorter

I suggest you can bring tremendous improvements by just following up Ryan structure. Let me know if you need link of relevant videos.

Question: Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single . Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Answe...

1. There are minor issues with the structure. If you check Ryan guidelines on essays structure, you will improve a lot. For example, the conclusions paragraph should have few more lines. 2. You should not use Firstly, Secondly etc. This type of structure is used for the essays where we support one a...

Stay on the topic
Take a bit long pauses between sentences so that you can plan before you speak and avoid grammar mistakes.

The second and third part of the topic was not addressed properly.
5.5

The recording is empty

The basic problem is getting away from the topic.

I inferred that the recording does not exist anymore.

You need to have long pauses between sentences so that you can think before you speak. This tactics would improve your speaking

You try to speak very fast which is affecting your pronunciation.

Nothing posted.

As a first step of improvement, you need to follow Ryan structure of essay.

you recently went on a trip with a friend and you both took some photographs. write a letter to your friend. in your letter: ask your friend to send you on of the photographs, explain why you need that particular photograph; and tell your friend what happened to your copy of it. Dear Sarah, Hope yo...

You missed the flight.

Its off the topic.