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Hello again, Jenny! Good introduction - short and neat! I think you could develop the very interesting point you make in the first main paragraph. An example, perhaps? In the first paragraph you say that it is more likely that people will focus on the celebrity. In the second you say people will foc...

Hello! Let's take a look ... Introduction - Too long, but not terrible! First main paragraph - The price of oil has been much higher than it is today. Reserves of coal could last many decades or even over a century. Second main paragraph - Using plants to create fuel has not been such a success. Wha...

Hello again!
Oh, a classic old question - love it!

Defer - not deter

Retain - not remain

Would not - not 'do not'

A very good answer! Well done! Someone's looking for a high score!

All the best,
David

Hi Doni! I'm glad that you are still contributing to this writing forum! A dedicated member! Introduction - The first sentence is a bit of an over-generalisation. I'm not sure what you mean by 'on condition that'. First main paragraph - It's shorter than the introduction! An interesting point, but n...

Hello! An interesting question! Introduction - Good, but ... 'extreme risk'? First main paragraph - 'Cars are seen as ...' No! They ARE! Fact, not opinion. Actually studies show that pollution drops dramatically even after a few days if vehicles are removed from streets (Beijing Olympics, 2008). Sec...

Hello! I like this question! Introduction - Everyone? Poor people in Africa? First main paragraph - So these cards are 100% safe? ... Really? Second main paragraph - Good! Third main paragraph - The two points in the first sentence are not connected. Therefore the second sentence is illogical. Concl...

Hi Jenny, Overall, a good essay. I have to admit that I am one of these people who doesn't see the rise of tech reducing face-to-face communications. I think that most people use the tech to arrange face-to-face meetings. Does being good at using tech communications automatically mean that you will ...

Hello! Since the difference between unhealthy and healthy foods is now widely known, what are they going to 'educate' Australian children about? And does that mean that in Australia there is no longer a problem? The solution seems so simple! (You say it is a solution in the main paragraph, but chang...

Hello! The most noticeable thing is that you focus only on the negative side of things. You are also only discussing a minority of children - contrary to what some believe, most kids turn out fine! Your arguments have little or no support. I looked up crime figures for the USA online and the stats s...

Hello! Basically, a reasonable essay - vocab and grammar are good - but I think that the ideas are not very well developed. I also think that you could look at some other effects, such as reduced agricultural land, transport links between new and old cities, and the social effects of reduced migrati...

Hello! Usual innovation techniques?! Change 'spending' to 'having' Satisfaction WITH, not towards ... and it takes a lot of time until my order is taken ... ... I think that taking action on this point is really important Overall, a good letter. Just be a little careful with phrasing and grammar. Al...

Hello! 'Dear Team' is not the correct salutation - Dear Sir/Madam is appropriate. Change 'fits' to 'suits'. Cut down the length of the sentence beginning 'I appreciate your support ...' It's way to long! Change 'feedback' to 'reply/response'. Overall, however, this is a good letter. There are some m...

Hello! Basically, I think that this is a good essay. I suggest being a little careful with some phrasing, for example ... 1. I'm not sure about the 'huge' income aspect. If flights are relatively cheap (as you correctly say), then a huge income is not necessary. 2. I'm not sure what proportion of to...

Hi Faruk, This is a good letter. The biggest problem is with grammar, although the mistakes do not change the meaning and would therefore not prevent you getting a good score. Here are a few mistakes ... ... it would be helpful for me IF you could ... ... please confirm WITH me ... ... I am going to...

Hi Faruk, There is only one big problem with this essay - the second main paragraph. The question statement only suggests that financial education could be included in the curriculum. It does not suggest that high school students are given full financial control. Aside from that (which is a very big...

Hi Max Basically, this is a good essay. There are some places where vocabulary and phrasing are a little strange or confusing - multitude of youngsters, initially (= at the start of a process), viable motivation. Also be a little careful with spelling - competition, confronting. There are a lot of g...

Hi Jenny, I think that mentioning classroom teaching IS relevant, because you compare it to learning from TV. However, children could learn from TV in the classroom and, as I pointed out, both generally involve sitting. It's great to see students like yourself really improving their writing so quick...

Hi Polina,
Basically, a good report. You have included all the main points, but a couple of minor points are not mentioned, e.g. stones and reeds.
All the best,
David

Hi Polina! Overall, this is a good essay, with clear arguments (on both sides), good grammar and vocabulary. I think a couple of examples and a suggestion on how to cater to people who cannot afford to go to museums would be improvements that you could easily incorporate into the answer. All the bes...

I'm glad when I can post some good news! Well done on progressing nicely with your learning - other students can learn from your experience! Very often, students are unclear with their ideas/thinking, so that's what I try to focus on, before looking in more detail at grammar. Keep posting essays to ...

Hi again, Jenny! Introduction - good First main paragraph - good argument, but I think that you could have provided some examples Second main paragraph - good, but you say that TV creates a sedentary lifestyle ... and then recommend classroom learning! Conclusion - good, but you do not point out how...

Hi Brijesh, Let's start with brutal honesty. The title of the post contains spelling errors - essay and score. Not a great sign if you're aiming for band 7. The spelling mistakes - and there are a LOT of them - continue through out the essay, sometimes making it difficult to understand. The introduc...

Hi Hollanda,
We need a picture of the charts for this.
David

Hi Shanthi, The letter is quite good, but I think that for a high score you would need to give more specific information. For example, what do you mean by "more natural sceneries [scenery]"? Also, the grammar sometimes interferes with clarity of communication - "a wide range of cuisin...

Hi Jenny! Introduction - good First main paragraph - Good ideas, grammar and vocabulary. Second main paragraph - Good, but that second sentence is terribly long! Conclusion - 'perverse' should be 'preserve' - quite a funny mistake! Overall, a very good essay with plenty of good grammar and vocab. We...